Emerson: Four Months

November 1, 2012

• At your 4 months (+ 6 days) doctor's appointment, you weighed 16 pounds and measured 25.5 inches long (90th percentile). We're so proud of how you're growing...so healthy, and so strong!
• You're primarily wearing 6-9 month clothes now, largely because of the extra bulk from the cloth diapers that require a bigger size. We still squeeze you into some of your Mommy's favorite 3 month ensembles, but Daddy says I'm holding you back. 
• You have continued to sleep through the night, and waking up for an early morning snack is definitely a rare exception to your general pattern. You've started to get sleepier a bit earlier in the evening, and your bedtime is closer to 9:00 p.m. these days (though you usually fall asleep in the living room around 8:00). We think the switch to daylight savings time might be helping this transition...of course, it has also meant earlier (7:00 a.m.-ish) wake-up times. 
• I can't imagine sending you to daycare, or not being able to spend my days with you. You are just getting more and more fun!
• You still nurse on-demand, but your frequency has definitely declined. Your meals are more substantial and you're not as interested in "snacking" throughout the day. Sometimes, if I think you're hungry and you're not, you arch your back away from me, clearly demonstrating your disinterest. You know how to communicate!
• You're beginning to develop some daily patterns in your awake/sleep schedule. You wake-up energized, and after you eat, we play on the couch and you do some tummy-time watching Sesame Street for a bit. Late-morning, you're ready for a short snooze, and then more playtime. You've started taking a longer nap mid-afternoon, but still not in your crib. Maybe that will be a goal for this month.... You usually take a quick "power nap" just before Daddy comes home, and then you're ready for the rest of the evening. 
• When 7:00-7:30 p.m. hits, though, you're ready to start your bedtime routine! Daddy plays with you for a bit, and then it's bath time. You smile when I take your socks off...you know what's coming next!
• The stuffed tiger that your daddy bought for you at the hospital has become a favorite toy, which makes Daddy and I smile. You reach for it immediately when it's offered, and bring its nose immediately to your mouth. We like knowing that there are things you like and enjoy.
• You continue to be so very content...happiest when you're around the action, and quite observant and studious of your surroundings.
• You've started to enjoy putting things in your mouth and chewing. Your fingers, other people's fingers, toys...everything is new and fun to explore! We also think you might be beginning the initial stages of teething...perhaps.
• Royal is very entertaining to you. If he's in the room, you're watching him, and have started to grab bits of his fur if he sits near you long enough to do so. We think you're going to be best friends.
• You are close to sitting-up on your own! You still need some support, and tend to lean forward, but it won't be long before you can do it by yourself. Your legs are getting strong, too, and you seem to very much enjoy being vertical while you practice putting some weight on your legs.
• Every afternoon, we have "diaper-free" time on the floor of your nursery. You lay on your tummy on a blanket, and play with and stare at your "Whoozit" toy and your stuffed animals. Your tummy-time stamina has improved so much over the past month, and what used to seem like "work" for you, doesn't really seem to be anymore. When you get tired, though, we help you roll over onto your back, and then you twist all around some more playing with your toys. You roll onto your side very easily (and seem to prefer sleeping that way), but haven't shown a lot of motivation to roll over all the way. You're just so content wherever you are! 
• You've giggled and belly-laughed a few times now...and it is the most beautiful sound we've ever heard. (We have so much laughing together ahead!)
• You definitely recognize some familiar faces now, and offer smiles quite easily. But, you really like having Mommy close-by and tend to get upset if I'm not within eyesight.
• You're also usually happy being held by Daddy now, which has been a fun thing for him. 
• You're a blonde! We thought you were going to be bald for a bit, after all of your hair loss last month. But, your new hair grew in, and it is a beautiful shade of blonde, just like Mommy and Daddy when we were little. We think it suits you quite nicely...though you do look much different!

It's impossible to imagine our family without you...
and hard to believe it's only been four months since your arrival!
You bring such joy to our lives, Emerson.
Thank you for making every day a special one.

A Happy Memory

A year ago yesterday, Bobby came home from work, and we decided that the time had come to take a pregnancy test. So, I did, and after three anxious minutes, we learned that we were going to be parents. We spent the rest of our evening celebrating our answered prayer together, overjoyed by our news and full of anticipation.

Last night, Bobby came home from work, and we spent our evening cuddling with our sweet, 4 month old Emerson, who is recuperating from the second round of immunizations she got earlier this week. She got her nightly bath on the bathroom counter, while we reminisced about the two pink lines we saw in that same spot one year ago...lines revealing that she was on her way.

I'll forever remember that night. Such a happy memory!

We knew our lives were going to change; we just didn't know that from that very moment, they did.

We knew we loved our little one already; we just couldn't know how much, or how incredibly deeply we'd feel that love once she arrived.

The sentence below is a portion of what I wrote on the first page of my pregnancy journal on that night, when I learned I was going to be Emerson's mom. The sentiment remains equally as true now that she's here...part of our family, and my greatest joy.

"There are truly no words...

only the feelings of joy, excitement, wonder, and gratitude 

for the journey that is beginning."

Musings of Motherhood

A few thoughts after experiencing three (and a half) months of motherhood....

• Never in any job or project I've undertaken have I been so completely exhausted at day's end. These days,  I am physically and emotionally wiped out. I feel...spent. As though there is nothing left of me to give. I am giving myself entirely to my daughter between 8ish in the morning when she wakes up until 10ish at night (when we both go to bed). I am "on the job" every moment I'm awake. There is nothing like it!

• Of course, I always appreciated my mom. I've written Mother's Day cards full of sentiment and gratitude...but I get it now. I "get" why we celebrate motherhood. I have an entirely new perspective of what my mother did (does!) for me. There is still much to learn, and I know my eyes will continue to be opened as to the magnitude of how wonderful she is as I discover more about what it really means to be a loving mom.

• The work I do at home can feel pretty small, compared to the happenings in the rest of the world. I'm trying to remember how important it is to keep our little world turning. Clean laundry, paid bills, tidy kitchen, tasty supper, happy and healthy baby...it's meaningful work, and it's mine.

• I am so grateful for the new spiritual awareness and focus that I am experiencing.  It is our deep desire to raise Emerson in a godly manner, teaching her to fear the Lord, and I have a new recognition of my need for wisdom and Christ's strength. I am increasingly aware of my dependence on God to guide my day and guard Emerson.  I have a better understanding of unconditional love, and far greater appreciation for sacrifice. My prayers each night over Emerson's crib as she sleeps are some of the most fervent, honest and genuine words I have ever spoken to my Father, and I'm thankful.

• I'm lonesome for time with special friends. I want to spend time with friends close-by, and catch-up with friends far away. I want to chat, sip coffee, & connect. I love spending my days with Emerson, but I miss the company of friends.

• There is an interesting balance between feeling as though I'm "losing myself" in motherhood, and finding myself, as well. "Mom" is what I've always wanted to be, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but recognizing the changes in myself that this new role requires is interesting and unique.

• I glanced in the mirror during Emerson's bath the other night. There was spit-up all over the front of my t-shirt, and spaghetti sauce stains on my shoulder (...a result of my haphazardly eating ravioli so as not to drip on baby). My hair was falling down from the messy bun on top of my head, and my make-up had long since rubbed off (though I am proud that I had been wearing some in the first place). I saw in the mirror what very much looked like a "mom uniform", and I was strangely pleased. We'd had a happy day. I'd worked hard. And in seeing that reflection, I knew I'd done my job.

Conceivably

I love anniversaries. Wedding and romantic anniversaries, of course, but also the recognition of dates in my life that were somehow meaningful. In my mind, taking note of the notable days in our past provides a sense of where we were & where we are & where we're going, and provides some connection between the days and months that keep going by. It's important for me to recognize these occasions. Without doing so, the days can turn into years...seemingly endless until time has too quickly passed to realize it.

(I've written about a few of my meaningful anniversaries here and here and here...and here.)

Admittedly, writing about this anniversary borders on the line of over-sharing, but since I've made it clear how important it is to me to recognize milestone dates, I'll proceed.

Emerson was likely conceived on this date last year.

I know...rather personal. Although, conceivably (ha), anyone that knows anything about the timeline of pregnancy and her estimated due date could have figured that out.

Anyway, whether or not the exact date is accurate, it's fun for me to think about. If you believe that life begins at conception (as I do), then this occasion is a special one. On this date (or thereabouts) one year ago, God created Emerson. Her life began before I knew it had; she was fearfully and wonderfully made!

Something worth celebrating, indeed.

source

Emerson: Three Months

October 1, 2012

• By my at-home measurement (no dr. appt. this month), you weigh just over 14 pounds.
• You're wearing cloth diapers! They were a success from day one. You seem pretty comfortable!
• Thanks to the cloth diapers and the extra cushion in your bottom, most of your 0-3 month clothes don't fit anymore. For the most part, 3-6 month clothes fit, but you'll be wearing 6-9 month sizes sooner rather than later, it appears. It's fun transitioning into your fall wardrobe!
• Nightly baths are still such a good time, and you tell us quite clearly when you're ready for it each night. Your delight in bathing is becoming more and more evident. You relax into your position in the tub immediately, you love grabbing and sucking on the soapy washcloth, and you're quite pleased when Daddy pours the cup of water on your tummy. You've stopped crying at the end of bath time, and we're all able to enjoy the wind-down routine a bit more now. While we put on your pajamas, I usually sing "Five Little Frogs" or "Rubber Ducky" to you. The length of the songs is just about as much time as I need to get you diapered and pajama-ed, and it seems to usually keep you entertained long enough to do so.
• We nurse in the living room after bath and pj's, and it seems to be getting easier and easier for you to wind down and put yourself to sleep after you eat. We usually lay on the couch for a while before putting you in your crib between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. (Any earlier and you tend to wake-up as soon as we lay you down.)
• No more swaddle for you, big girl! You sleep in a "sleep sack" now, and it's so precious to see you all stretched out, arms above your head. Such a peaceful sleeper.
• You are sleeping through the night! Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for a quick feeding is the exception rather than the norm, and more often than not, it's between 7:00 and 8:00 a.m. when you begin to stir and are ready to start your day. 
• You wake up with a smile just about every day, and leaning over your crib each morning to your happy greeting is my favorite part of the day. 

• That smile! It lights up your face and is oh, so contagious. What a joy! 
• Your hands are your favorite toy, and you love to slobber and slurp on them. 
• You study your environments intently, and are generally serious until you're familiar with where you are and who you are with.
• We know when you're happy! And, when you're not. You continue to seem so content most of the time, happy to be where the action is. But, you're discovering how to communicate different emotions, and you are able to demonstrate your dissatisfaction with a situation quite clearly. 
• You have much less hair now than you did when you were born, and the hair that's left is much lighter than it was. It comes off in your bath and there's a little circle of dark brown hair in your crib where you lay your head. When it grows back, will you be blond like Mommy and Daddy were, we wonder?
• Your tummy-time stamina has increased considerably. Your longest stretches of 10 minutes or so happen just about every morning. Watching Sesame Street keeps you interested while you exercise. 
• You are definitely recognizing familiar faces, and usually give a smile to those you know. 
• We've had lots of "conversations" this month, as you've begun to find your voice. Lots of back and forth "oh's" and raspberries. You are a communicator, with lots to say. We have such fun things to talk about in days to come! 
• Your babbles have a low tone, and we wonder if you'll have a deep voice. 
• You love to sit-up, and your head control is wonderful. You begin to tighten your abs and arch your back when you're ready to be pulled-up, and are so proud when you've done it. 

There are new things to learn about you each day! 

Watching you grow and seeing your personality develop is a true gift. 

Emerson, I am so thankful that I get to be your mom.

This Too Shall Pass

I've always appreciated the phrase "this too shall pass". My best friend wrote that sentence on a note card attached to a "get well" gift when I had my wisdom teeth removed years ago, and I placed the note in my medicine drawer where it's been ever since. (Having the need to open the medicine drawer usually means that I could benefit from the reminder that my ailment is temporary; it's been an encouragement more than once!)

Motherhood has brought this phrase to mind a few times. Now more than ever, its meaning seems so relatable in my life.

There were days in those first few weeks with Emerson where it truly felt as though sleep was a thing of my past; that my nights were going to be forever spent in that recliner. But, that hardship passed. And that's a good thing.

Then again, Emerson won't be in her swaddle ever again. She doesn't find ceiling fans quite so interesting anymore, and these days she doesn't have to lay on my chest in order to fall asleep. She's growing, and some of the defining behavior patterns that we've come to expect are changing. That's also a good thing...but it's bittersweet, too. Her days as an infant are short...they too shall pass. And, I know I'll miss this chapter.

"This too shall pass." For better or worse, it does ring so, so true, doesn't it?

Days are short. Time is precious. This...life we're building...shall pass. I don't reflect on that in such a way as to despair in life's brevity. Instead, I'm considering it a reminder to cherish the joy in living right now. 

The rough moments will pass.

The precious ones will, too. 

Sound Sleeper

We've reached another milestone in the Phillips household!

Last night, Emerson slept un-swaddled for the first time. I'm very proud of her, and frankly, pleased with my own maternal instinct in recognizing that she may be ready for such a thing. She'd been squirming in her swaddle blanket far more than she used to, and for the past several mornings, seemed frustrated (rather than comforted) being constricted. It seemed worth a try to use the sleep sack instead.

I'm so glad we decided to give it a shot.

Bless her heart, Emerson slept so hard from the moment Bobby put her in the crib, and slept peacefully until 6:45 a.m. I'd say it was a success.

And, in a related accomplishment, Emerson is currently sleeping soundly on the couch, after falling asleep on her own. (She's on a roll!) This is the first time she's fallen asleep during the day without nursing or being held, and is a huge deal to this mama.

Every day is full of surprises! I must say, today's was pretty wonderful.

Emerson: Two Months

September 1, 2012

• You're wearing size 0-3 month clothes, and are still in disposable size 1 diapers. 
• You weighed 13 pounds, 2 ounces at your 2 month (+ 3 days) check-up. And, you've already grown 4 inches since you were born! You're in the 90th percentile for height and weight, and are "perfectly healthy". Such a blessing.
• Your daytime feedings have become a bit more predictable, and you're "snacking" much less frequently. We still nurse closer to every two hours than every three, but you're becoming more efficient with your eating habits. 
• You have started taking nightly baths, and you absolutely love them. You hardly ever fuss, and if you do, it's usually because Mommy let you get a little chilly before getting you dry. (Or, perhaps because you're annoyed that bath time is over!) We think it's a nice pre-bedtime routine to start with you, and it seems to relax all of us at the end of the day.
• The weather finally cooled down enough to take you on a few walks! Our first family walk was such fun, and you held a solid gaze straight ahead the entire time. You were so relaxed, and were asleep by the end of the outing. We have lots of walks in our future, I suspect.
• You started smiling! It's as incredible to see you smile as your grandma said it would be. Daddy and I each have our tricks that seem to get you going. I buzz my lips, and Dad blows raspberries...which you seem determined to figure out how to do! But, oh those precious smiles...each one just melts our hearts. 

• We watched the Olympics together, and realized that the next time we watch the summer games with you, you'll be four. Whoa. I think the Summer Olympics shall forever remind me of you.
• You are absolutely happiest being right in the middle of the action, where you can see who and what is around you. Case in point: you demand getting to sit on my lap at the kitchen table while Daddy and I eat dinner. (I don't fault you for it, and really, can totally relate.)
• You seem to get bored with tummy time pretty quickly, but when it's tolerable to you, you're such a pro! Such a strong, healthy girl.
• You've been to church several times now, beginning at six weeks. You're usually awake during the music in the service, and holding you in my arms while we worship is one of my new favorite things. You've been falling asleep as we sing, and then you sleep (and sometimes snore) during the sermon. 
• You usually fall asleep around 9:00 p.m. and sleep on my chest in the living room until 11:00 p.m. or so. Sometimes you want to nurse one last time before bed, and other times you're not interested at all. Putting you in your crib at bedtime has gotten easier and easier, and since around 5 weeks, you are generally able to put yourself to sleep if you're only drowsy when we put on your swaddle and lay you down. And (here's the best part!), you're often only waking up to nurse ONE time during the night, usually between 4:30-5:30 a.m. Those 5 and 6 hours stretches of sleep are so wonderful...for all of us!
• Your daddy loves playing with you. He's always the one to think to pull out a toy for you when you seem to need some stimulation. You're going to have such fun together in the days ahead!
• You discovered ceiling fans a few days ago, and will babble at them for several minutes. It's adorable.
• We've developed several routines as a family now; it's fun that you've been around long enough for us to already have certain ways of regularly doing things! Mornings, dinner, bath time and bedtime...I must say, your daddy and I make a pretty good team as we learn to take care of you!

Watching you discover our world is such a joy, Emerson. 

We've fallen in a deep, deep love with you! 

Pump Up the Jams

Around 4:00 p.m. each weekday, Emerson is very ready for a nap. And, I am very ready for Bobby to come home from work.

So, in an effort to get her to sleep (and get myself off the couch), we have taken up a new hobby.

I put on the Moby Wrap, slide Emerson inside, turn on the television, and flip through the music channels.

And then, we dance.

Switching between the stations titled "Pop Hits", "90's", "80's", "Party Favorites", and "Throwback Jamz" (yes, with a "z"), we dance all over the living room...and sweet Emerson is usually asleep within minutes.

Forget gentle lullabies at this time of day. Emerson clearly prefers when we "Play that Funky Music". And play it we do, along with such timeless classics as "Ice, Ice, Baby" and "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It". (I know, right?)

This is where you could usually expect to find a picture in my posts.

Not happening this time. 

There are some things that should stay between a mother and daughter in the privacy of the living room.

(And, let's face it, the image you've conjured up in your mind of this whole scenario is probably just about right.)

It's definitely a mutually-beneficial activity. Emerson gets to rest; I get to work on losing those last ten pounds of pregnancy weight.

And, it truly is a workout! I've got a 13 pound baby wrapped in a piece of black fabric, held tightly against my body, while I dance (and I do use that term loosely) all over the place. I give her head extra support with one hand, and do bicep curls with a 5 pound weight with the other. We both end up sweaty. It's fantastic.

This is what memories are made of! And I know this goofy little routine is one of those experiences of my early months of motherhood that I will remember with a smile.

Shots

Thoughts I had yesterday morning as I prepared myself for Emerson's first set of immunizations in the afternoon:

• I'm so thankful that this is the first real medical intervention she's had to face in her two months of life, and that even this is arguably "elective". 
• There are millions of people of around the world who would give much to be able to give their child preventative medicine such as this. It wasn't long ago that preventing these diseases wasn't an option in our own country, and countless families suffered loss because there were no vaccines. We are so blessed to live in an age where we can protect our babies from so much.
• We are allowing Emerson to experience pain to protect her from something worse. The Lord often does the same thing, doesn't He? He sees His children through painful times, knowing that the pain and the trials serve a purpose and greater days are ahead. 
• I'm really not looking forward to this.

We were so proud of how Emerson handled her shots. She lay on the exam table, and Bobby and I leaned over her body and held down her arms. And, right before the injections began, she smiled that precious smile. (Of course she would. You're not making this any easier, little one!) The nurse was so quick and the three shots were over before her "serious" crying could really begin. She got mad, but I nursed her immediately and she calmed quickly (as did I.) She slept on the drive home, and for most of the afternoon. During the evening, her pain was evident, usually when she stretched her sore little legs. (I expected the vaccine procedure to be difficult for ME, watching her experience pain. Little did I know that seeing her continue to hurt for the rest of the day would be even harder.) She wanted lots of cuddle time, and was far more fussy than usual, but never felt particularly feverish. She went to bed easily and slept through the night, with just one extra feeding. Hopefully, the worst is behind her and she can get back to being her content, happy self today. 

Thoughts I have now that the first round of shots is done:

• We did it! 
• I'm glad that's over.
• Thank you, God, for protecting my little girl.