Five Years

It isn't as though the arrival of our five-year anniversary comes as a shock. When you commit to spend your life with someone...a vow that, when made in your early-twenties, you expect and pray will last for several decades..."making it" to five years hardly seems surprising.

Still, I remember thinking as a newlywed that this milestone seemed like a lifetime away, especially given all the uncertainties about what our married life would look like.

Are we going to be able to financially support ourselves? Is our budget going to work out the way we think it will?

What kind of job will I have? How secure is Bobby's employment? 

Will we be living in St. Louis permanently? How soon could we move back home?

When will we be able to buy a house? How does one even begin to go about doing such a thing?

Children? Of course! How will we know when the time for parenthood is right?

We had vague dreams for what was our not-so-distant future, but the how and when we'd be able to achieve them was hardly certain. There was much to figure out first about how, exactly, to grow up. And that is, truly, part of the beauty of marriage...figuring out "life", and making "grown-up" decisions, together.

Five years later, although I'm sure we still have much "growing up" to do yet, we have had so many of our uncertainties resolved. If I had been able to see a glimpse of my life now as I walked down the aisle toward Bobby, it would've been better than I was even able to imagine at the time. This life with him is exactly what I'd pictured it would be, even if the specifics were unclear. I'm so grateful to him for helping to make these dreams come true.

The plan (for years!) has been to take a tropical vacation to celebrate this anniversary. We so enjoy time on the beach, and this milestone seemed worthy of taking a big trip. But, between unknown scheduling for Bobby's work trips & this pregnancy timeline & uncertainty about toddler travels, our plan fell through.

But, that's okay. As much I would have enjoyed time on a white sandy beach somewhere, in some ways it seems more appropriate that this anniversary is being acknowledged in a much more quiet way. It's because of all these dreams that we've been able to see become reality in the past five years...all of the answers to our uncertain questions...that we're staying home. Those are the very things we're celebrating, really!

The financial comfort we enjoy. 

The gift of my being able to stay home, and Bobby's growth and success in his career.

Living in Springfield, surrounded by those we love.

Creating a happy home in the house that we own.

Raising our daughter, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of her sister.

Building a life together, secure in each other's love, support, and faithfulness.

Our marriage isn't about the grand gestures or the extraordinary events. Our romance has really always been, instead, about the day-to-day simple gestures and memorable moments that make life so sweet. For that, I'm grateful.

Of course, our dreams for the next five years are vague, too. There is uncertainty about what our family will look like in a few years time, and there are questions that surround getting from here to there. But, I am even more confident than I was as a new bride that, with the Lord's blessing and Bobby's leadership, we will be, as we are now, exactly where we are meant to be.

(Which could be, perhaps, on a beach for our tenth anniversary. Or, our sixth...?)

Happy anniversary, handsome. 

Thank you for a beautiful five years, 

and for sharing this life with me.

xoxo

Four Years

For our first anniversary, Bobby and I vacationed in Cancun.

For our second anniversary, we bought furniture for our new house and celebrated with Chinese take-out. 

For our third anniversary, my parents brought a homemade steak dinner to us, and sat with newborn Emerson in the living room while Bobby and I ate our meal (together!) in the kitchen. That memory is a foggy one, as most memories during Emerson's first weeks of life are, but I remember it being a special, albeit casual, way to mark the occasion.

Today, for our fourth anniversary, I'm waiting for Bobby to come home from a week working out-of-town. Tonight, we'll celebrate his return, enjoy grilled steak for dinner, play with Emerson in the yard, and tuck her into bed. Then, we'll watch our wedding movie, per tradition, and call it a day. 

It isn't that all romance is gone after four years of marriage. Far from it. (In fact, we get to go on a date on Saturday night to celebrate, and it will be delightful!) But, one of the things that four years of marriage has taught us is that there are big moments, full of excitement & fun. (Cancun! New furniture!) But, there are also a lot of small moments, equally beautiful in their simplicity. (Quiet dinners at home.) 

I am so thankful for all of those ordinary moments. 

I am so thankful that we have many normal days that feel like big celebrations.

I am so thankful to have a husband who makes me feel so loved every day of the year.

This has been a most incredible four years. I am more excited than ever for all that is to come for our family. There is no one I'd rather be "doing life" with. And, today I'm really happy to celebrate being married to one pretty amazing guy.

Happy anniversary, Mr. Phillips! 

I sure do love being your bride.

How Having a Baby Changed Our Marriage

We could not have been better prepared for having a baby. After two years of marriage, Bobby and I were closer than ever, and very much "on the same page" about the next step in our lives. It was time to add another member to our family. Financially, emotionally, spiritually...we were as prepared as we could have been. 

And yet, our marriage changed when Emerson was born. Perhaps because we were each individually transformed by parenthood. Perhaps it was the natural result of a third person entering what had long-been just the two of us. Either way, we changed...and, we had known that we would! But, knowing how, exactly, was impossible to predict.

In some ways, we changed in ways I'm not proud of. Parenthood showed us our relational flaws, and highlighted the growing that we still have to do, personally, and as a couple. 

• Bobby and I experienced jealousy of each other. He was jealous of my connection with Emerson (largely the result of my nursing Emerson, and spending all day, every day with her), and I was jealous of his ability to spend time away from home. The grass was greener on the other side....
• Our jealousy led to resentment. We were both, at times, resentful of the other. There were occasions when, although Bobby wanted to help, he couldn't. Emerson needed her mom (usually, more specifically, her mom's milk), and Bobby felt largely unnecessary in whole scheme of things. He resented my bond with Emerson; I resented his lack of help (due to his inability to feed, not due to unwillingness). Because Bobby didn't have the responsibilities at home with Emerson that I did, he was also able to leave the house and spent time playing football with his friends regularly. I (unfairly) resented that.
• We weren't always sympathetic with each other. That, I believe, was simply due our own selfishness. We often each felt that we'd had the rougher day: me, at home...Bobby, at the office. Our work was very different, and our selfish attitudes didn't permit us to sympathize with each other. We were each exhausted, and didn't choose to selflessly give one another the understanding and sympathy that we both so desired from each other.
• We were competitive. This was usually in the form of "who saw Emerson do (fill in the blank) first?" For whatever reason, we took on a competitive nature about our separate interactions with Emerson, and often didn't act as though we were both on the same parenting team.
• We had far less energy for each other. My thoughts were centered on Emerson, and I didn't have an excess of mental energy to spend on nurturing Bobby. By day's end (and often before), I was worn-out from picking-up and carrying Emerson all day long. Emotionally, physically...I was entirely spent every day...and there was little left of me to share.

In other ways, we changed for the better, and we grew together. 

• Bobby and I have developed quite a rhythm to getting things done around here. From our after-dinner routine (I clear the table, he entertains Emerson while she finishes her meal; he rinses the tray, I wash Emerson's hands...and face...and legs), to our former bath-time ritual (I nursed Emerson, he started the bath water, then cleaned up afterward while I put on Emerson's pajamas)...it's very much a dance that we do together to keep our world turning. We each have our roles, and they fit together perfectly to make things work smoothly. We're a team, and in many ways, our teamwork has never been better. 
• We're getting to see new sides of each other! I imagined that Bobby would be an amazing father, and I wasn't wrong. Fatherhood suits him, and seeing that side of him makes me love the man all the more.

And, in other ways still, it was just...change.

• In many ways, we love each other differently now. We are getting to know how we each act and respond and relate as parents, and we act and relate to each other a bit differently, too. 
• Sleeplessness or hormones or changed perspective or whatever has meant that I'm more sensitive than I used to be, and the jokes and good-natured criticism that used to be painless, can sting in an instant now. So, our interactions have changed...and we're still learning.
• The way we spell "love" is different. There isn't time...or energy...for many grand gestures these days...but when Bobby brings in a hot cup of a coffee to the bathroom every morning, waiting for me as I get out of the shower, I feel deeply loved.

********************************

There were times in the past twelve months when I felt very much "alone". Not because of anything Bobby intentionally did or didn't do...but because he couldn't help in given circumstances, or simply couldn't understand my needs or emotions. (I often didn't understand them, myself.) Emerson needed me. And I felt alone in my responsibilities and as though no one understood. It was hard. That's all there is to it.

Our marriage needed attention that at times during the past year, I'm sorry to say, we couldn't give it. After months of celebrating and anticipating our baby's arrival together, enjoying a connection and closeness unlike ever before...to experience a significant distance between ourselves in the months after her birth was...hard.

The happy news is that all of the troublesome elements we experienced were very much "fixable". And, the happier news is that, for us, the six-month mark was a turning point. We were figuring things out...about parenthood, about being married during parenthood, and how to give our marriage the effort it so very much deserves.

We've learned a great deal in the past year. And, lots of things have changed. But, what hasn't is our desire to have a large family with several children! Lord willing, Emerson won't be our last precious little one.

More importantly, our commitment to each other & to our marriage hasn't changed, either.

As we approach our four-year wedding anniversary later this week, Bobby and I are so very happy with our world right now. We are deeply in love, deeply blessed by this life we're building together, and by the little girl who has made our family more complete.

Feelin' The Love

Last Valentine's Day, Bobby and I were anxiously waiting to open the envelope on the mantel and learn the gender of our baby on the way. That night, when we learned we were having a daughter, I knew our world would be full of "sugar and spice" and everything pink, and I was overjoyed.

Presents for Emerson on the mantel this year!

What I didn't (couldn't!) know, however, was the unique & incredible love we'd feel for our sweet Emerson Blair. A love unlike any other than I'd known before. A love that began the moment I met her, and a love that's grown ever since.

Bobby and I are celebrating our tenth Valentine's Day today. This year, I am aware of my loving him differently...better...than before. I have the benefit & joy now of seeing him as a father, of recognizing his love for our little girl, and for appreciating how he loves both of us so well.

Basically, this year, I'm feelin' the love!

Love as a parent...feeling a love that just is, and increases every day.

Love as a wife...feeling loved, choosing and nurturing love for my husband, and constantly learning what that means as we grow in our new roles as "Mom and Dad".

Love as a child of God...feeling and understanding the depth of a Father's love, and recognizing how incomparable His great, great love truly is.

My heart is full!

Things I Love About My Marriage

Recently I've been considering specific attributes of my marriage that I think really help to make it "work". There are certainly more reasons than these why we "click" the way we do, but these few specific thoughts come to mind time and time again. These qualities are some I've recognized before, and they are qualities that I hope I can always say are true of us.

1. We don't take life too seriously. This is far more a result of Bobby's outlook on life than mine, but I have come a long way, and I'm quite proud of my changed outlook over the past...well, how long have I known Bobby?...8 years. We keep things in perspective, and get a chance to practice doing so frequently. It's a healthier way to live, in general, and benefits our marriage, too.

2. We don't stay mad for very long, and we don't hold grudges. When we're frustrated, we let each other know it. Then, we discuss it. Or, we don't. (Which, I know, isn't necessarily the healthiest thing to do in the long-run, but sometimes, it's the best choice.) Regardless, we vent, we talk, we move on. I cannot remember a single occasion in our (albeit, relatively short) married history where a difference of opinion led to an extended argument, or long-term hurt feelings. We get mad, and get over it. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

3. We're a team, and we don't keep score. When the dog or the car or the yard (or one of us) needs attention, we take care of it (and each other). Sometimes I pick up the slack, and sometimes Bobby does. We take turns with chores, and we try not to keep a record of who did what, when. Eventually, it all evens out. It's a partnership, and we both know that we each have the best interests of the other in mind.

I know our relationship and interactions will change once "baby makes three". Knowing exactly how much, though, or in what ways, is impossible to predict. My prayer is that these elements of our relationship, among others, will remain our foundation as we prepare to navigate this new, wonderful, difficult, and emotional journey called "parenthood".

Deliberate

Bobby had a sock problem.

Every time he took off his socks, they ended up inside-out. Apparently, that's just his natural tendency for sock-removal! Which, is okay, except that Bobby's sock problem...

...meant that I had a sock problem.

Every time I did the laundry and folded socks, I was spending additional time turning them the right way. Not a big problem, obviously, in the big scheme of things, but an annoying extra step in the already unpleasant task of laundry folding.

I tried to do my wifely laundry duty with little complaint, and lovingly fixed the socks. (Admittedly, I considered leaving them as they were a few times, but that wouldn't have been kind, and I don't think I ever stooped that low.) But, I did regularly mention that it was wearisome, and would help me considerably if that was taken care of before the socks made their way to me.

For some time, nothing changed. I don't fault Bobby for it. Habits are hard to break...especially when it changes the way one changes clothes at the end of a long work day. Anyway, the message didn't seem to be getting through, and I was preparing myself for what I thought could be a lifelong pattern.

And then, just like that, it all changed. The laundry basket was full of clean socks, not a single one of them inside-out! He did it! It didn't come naturally, but he made the change deliberately, out of love.

It's a little thing, I know. (The most meaningful expressions of love often are.) But, every time I fold the laundry, and the socks are easier to deal with, I think about how much Bobby loves me. Does it matter to him how he takes his socks off? It does now. Because he knows it matters to me. And it's a deliberate demonstration of his love.

What this sock-folding lesson has taught me, and continues to remind me with each laundry load, is that my expressions of love to Bobby must also be deliberate. They must be intentional. It doesn't always come naturally to show him how much I care, which means that I need to make intentional efforts. Daily life, ever-changing pregnancy hormones, and a brain continually focused on preparing for baby can take my mind off of expressing my love for him as frequently and clearly as I should.

Today marks our eight-year anniversary of "togetherness". Our relationship has changed during these past eight years. We used to be high school sweethearts; now we're married and having a baby. And, I know that our interactions with each other will continue to change as children enter the picture and our family grows. My desire for this next chapter of our love story is that our love will continue to grow, as well, through intentional, deliberate efforts.

It matters. And, it's worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day, handsome. 

Thanks for being my husband. 

Thanks for all you teach me. 

And, thanks for taking care of your socks. 

I love you!

Finally Furniture

For our anniversary gift to each other, we decided to purchase living room furniture. (Which also fits the traditional two-year anniversary gift, "cotton". Okay, it's definitely a stretch, but we think it works.) It's not as exotic a gift as last year's trip to Mexico was (oh, I'm missing the beach these days....), but buying furniture was really a much wiser purchase at this point in time. And, to be honest, celebrating a special milestone by gifting each other with something to help make our house even more of a home felt quite romantic.

We're not laying on the beach this year, but we are finally laying on the sectional...and it's pretty darn great.

Yeah, Royal, I see that mischievous look.

So far, so good....

Our Second Anniversary

August was for us, as it seems to be for many people, an incredibly busy month. Between our anniversary + the beginning of a new school year + my best friend's wedding, last month was a blur...which left little time for blogging! But, now I'm back and finally have time to reflect a bit. 

Bobby and I had a low-key anniversary celebration...which was absolutely perfect for the busy month we were in the middle of! (It was also a Monday and the first day of the school year.) Bobby came home after work with a bouquet of flowers, including Cosmos, which he romantically explained was the two-year anniversary flower. (I didn't even know there was such a thing, but I was definitely impressed by his thoughtfulness.) 

He ushered me outside to the porch and told me to wait while he got things ready inside. He brought me back in, where a delicious Hong Kong Inn meal was waiting for me on the kitchen table..."because the modern two-year anniversary gift is 'China'". 

Well-played, Mr. Phillips! Isn't he romantic??

Our fortune cookie fortunes.
Appropriate for a married couple, don't you think?

Our 2nd annual anniversary 'hand' photo. You know, like the traditional ring photo on the wedding day?
We'll see how long this tradition of ours lasts. Cheesy, yes, but fun for now!

It was a romantic and memorable anniversary, and exactly the kind of relaxing evening at home we needed. Thanks, handsome. You are absolutely the best! 

Melt

Photo by Meg White Photography.

In life's busyness, and the everyday..."stuff"...

it's all too easy for me to take for granted 

the love that Bobby and I share. 

I get to be married to the handsome baseball player 

who made me weak in the knees when he first asked me to dance.

He still makes my heart melt.

And now, I get to spend a long three-day weekend with HIM. 

Am I a lucky girl, or what?

Happy Friday, everyone!

The Finish Line

In anticipation of my two-year anniversary next week, I've been reflecting on our wedding day and moments of the day that made it memorable.

Here's one.

After the toasts at the reception, Bobby and I decided to say a few words of thanks to our guests. I went first, and it went something like this:

"This day has been absolutely perfect, all the way from the start. 

And, I know it'll continue to be perfect, 

all the way to the finish line...."

I didn't exactly realize what I had said, but I recognized my poor choice in wording quite quickly once the room full of our friends and family began to laugh and clap. 

Talk about awkward.

First of all, who talks like that?! It wasn't as though I used that verbiage in my day-to-day conversation.

--Hey, how was your day at work?

--Oh, it was great from the start. Pretty sure it'll be good all the way to the finish line, too.

I mean, really? I like to think of myself as a little less dorky than that. 

And secondly, what was I thinking?! 

Okay. I guess the answer to that was embarrassingly clear. 

But I didn't know that was on my subconscious mind!

Awkward though it was, I must admit that it does make for a good story. 

The getaway car decor, courtesy of Bobby's friends,
and thanks to my embarrassing inspiration.

God Gave Me Him

February is always a fun month for the mister and me. We just celebrated Valentine's Day, and now we get to celebrate Bobby! Today is his 25th birthday, and I'm so enjoying trying to make this milestone day a special one for him.

As I focus on Bobby this month, the blessing of his life and the love we share, I keep thinking about a song that's been played on the radio quite a bit lately: "God Gave Me You" by Dave Barnes. Check out the lyrics to the chorus below.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

For when I think I’ve lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it’s true

God gave me yo

u

I just love that.

And, it's exactly how I've always felt about Bobby. God gave me an incredible man to call my husband, and I cherish him and this life we're building together. What a joyful thing to recognize that He has always been the Author of this love story, and knew exactly what He was doing when He created Bobby, and when He brought us together..."for better, for worse", for the ups and downs, and the days of doubt.

On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can’t do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

Happy Birthday, Bobby! 

What an incredible gift you are....

Watch Dave's official music video here. 

(Or, better yet, just listen to it, and look through some special pictures of your own while you do. Just a thought.)