Finding Contentment

I’ve always done best when I have a project. My mom shared this observation with me a while ago, and in the past several weeks of having little to do, I have had a lot of time to reflect and recognize that she is absolutely right. (Mom usually is.)

College is over, the wedding planning is through, the apartment is as organized and decorated as it can be (for now), and I am unemployed…and bored. I’m ready for another project! A job…a house…a baby. (Okay, I’m not quite ready for that last one.)

Mom also pointed out that for the past 23 years, I have been “going”. For me to find myself in this period of feeling as though I’m not, well, “going” anywhere is difficult.

I’m struggling to find contentment.

And, I’ve struggled before. I spent a lot of my childhood wanting to be “grown-up”, and during that time I think I may have missed some of the fun parts that come along with growing up. I don’t regret my childhood (or acting like a thirty-something in middle school), but I do recognize that my discontent with being young may not have allowed me to fully enjoy the youthful season I was in.

And, I know from experience that a lot of good can come from being content and finding beauty in the present. Although it was difficult at times to wait so long to marry Bobby, we enjoyed our five-plus years of dating and patiently anticipating the “big day”. We valued that time, and learned a lot about ourselves and each other and what it means to love during those years. Being content with that season made being engaged (and now, being married) that much more special when it finally came along.

I need to remind myself that I am still “going”. I’m going to have a job. I’m going to have a house. I’m going to have a baby. (Someday. Not now. I truly hope this sentence doesn’t get taken out of context.) I’ve been told that this season of my life is likely to be short-lived, and that I will look back on this time wishing for it again. I don’t doubt it. My “job” right now, I’m convinced, is to learn to be content and enjoy this “in-between” season for the blessing that it is. That might be a big enough project in itself.

Romans 1:20

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities

-his eternal power and divine nature-

have been clearly seen,

being understood from what has been made,

so that men are without excuse."

Romans 1:20

Glowing, Glowing...Gone

Friday night was the first opportunity that Bobby and I have had to explore St. Louis and go out on the town. So, we prepared ourselves for a fun evening at Forest Park, taking in the festivities of the “balloon glow” to be held that evening, an aspect of the famous hot air balloon race to take place the following day. That evening, the balloons were to be lit and inflated for spectators to see; it sounded like a good idea to be among them.

We were not the only ones with this idea. We left our apartment at 7:10 p.m. for what we thought was to be a 25-minute drive to the park. We did not get out of our cars until 8:40 p.m., after driving ever so slowly for miles and miles, and finally navigating our way to a parking spot at the festival. Mind you, the balloons were only to be lit until 8:30 p.m. By this point, we were overwhelmed by the traffic and frustrated for missing it all, thinking, “maybe we’ll at least make it in time for the fireworks at 9:00 p.m.”.

The park was swarming with people headed in every direction. It was dark. We had no idea where we should have been heading and didn’t see any signage for this particular event. Although we had wanted to quit the little adventure we were having far earlier, we had come too far to turn around.

We spotted a group of people who looked like they knew where they were going. Off we went, following closely behind this group along a dark forest path, the little boy ahead of us lighting the way with his glowing light saber. About 7 minutes later we realized that they did know where they were going. They knew exactly how to get to…their cars. The little boy said to his dad, “I want to go home”, to which his dad replied, “we are”. Bobby and I stopped simultaneously, turned toward each other, and realized that we had to turn around, in the midst of all these people, and go back the other way. What a night. It was comedic, really! We should have known. Most people don’t carry souvenir glow sticks INTO an event.

We kept walking, and did find the balloon glow, although by 8:57 p.m. there was little glow left. We sat down just in time to enjoy the brief, albeit beautiful, fireworks display.

We were back in our cars by 9:17 p.m., a mere 37 minutes after arriving. Traffic was like nothing we’d ever seen, and we crawled, if moving at all, for 43 minutes, just trying to get out of the park. It was 11:00 p.m., 1 hour and 43 minutes later, when we pulled into our driveway.

It wasn’t the evening we expected. Although we DID get to do some good people-watching, we DID learn about navigating St. Louis traffic, we DID somehow find ourselves in the middle of the Delmar Loop on our way home (an area we’d wanted to explore), and we DID get to spend a LOT of uninterrupted time together. And, we CAN say that we went to the balloon glow!

I imagine that we will venture out onto the St. Louis social scene again sometime soon. There is much more to see and do, and surely we can find activities that aren’t quite so appealing to the masses. The balloon glow looked like a fun time and we may try it again next year. Or, then again, maybe not.

Home

My blogging hiatus has come to an end. The busyness of the past four months proved too much to handle, I suppose, thus the lack of writing. There are a number of events from recent weeks that I could discuss, but one has to start somewhere. Reflecting on the honeymoon has led to this post; we’ll see where it goes from here!

I had never been out the country before, and what a way to start! St. Lucia and the Caribbean were absolutely beautiful, and I could not have asked for a more perfect place to celebrate with Bobby. The surprising part, though, was how much we were ready to come home to the United States after our time abroad. Of course, we both knew we loved our country, but to be so looking forward to coming back to American soil was an unexpected, wonderful, feeling.

As we were in the air, flying back to Miami, I couldn’t help but think about how blessed we were to be heading back to a country that we are so happy to call home. I don’t imagine everyone being so lucky.

I was certainly in awe after seeing the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea, and the lush, palm tree-rich rainforests of St. Lucia. Yet, now that we’re back, I find myself recognizing “America the Beautiful” in a new way.

As Bobby and I drove to Springfield last weekend, I was admiring the scenery along I-44…hardly one of America’s “must-see” landscapes. Still, I was thinking about the natural wonders we’re afforded living here. The citizens of St. Lucia don’t get the joy of a white winter, and the Caribbean travel brochures don’t include a section on the brilliant colors of fall that we enjoy. We have beaches, mountains, forests, deserts, and the freedom to explore them all.

I’m confident that the Phillips family has more international traveling ahead. There is a lot of world left to see and experience! But, we will certainly continue to enjoy the blessings and beauty of America, too, and will always happily and proudly call this country “home”.

De-Construction

The Brady Student Center at Mizzou is undergoing serious renovation. “Phase One” seems to be complete, with the construction of a new bookstore and offices and whatnot. It appears that “Phase Two”, involving the demolition of some of the old areas of the building, is now underway.

I know this because today, as I was walking across campus, I witnessed a huge "hydraulic excavator" ripping massive chunks of metal off of the building. I paused in my walk momentarily to watch this scene because I don’t frequently see much de-construction, if you will, in the midst of the seemingly endless construction and re-construction on campus. 

There was something oddly intriguing about the sight of a large piece of equipment just tearing into what seemed to be a perfectly good piece of building. And I liked it.

Perhaps it was the novelty of the scene, or perhaps my pleasure in observing this spectacle was due to the sense of relief it provided after a long day. I’m not sure. But, for whatever reason, I found it strangely refreshing.

The experience inspired no particular thought-provoking prose or insightful musings about my world, and that’s okay. It is what it is…a simple moment of enjoyment found in a most surprising circumstance. And I like that. 

Something Beautiful

When it rained on Good Friday, I was pleased.

When it rained on Easter, I was not.

The weather on Friday seemed appropriately matched to the solemn nature of the day. Yet, when I woke up Easter morning, the celebration of the holiday didn’t fit with the gloomy outdoors.

Now, the beautiful thing about being a Christian and knowing why we celebrate Easter is that our joy isn’t dependent on the weather. Still, it seemed as though a bright sunrise would have been far more fitting.

As Bobby and I drove away from Springfield on Sunday afternoon after our time at home, the rain continued…heavily. But, much to our surprise, as we continued along I-44 we noticed a rainbow emerging above the rain-soaked highway.  

The rainbow grew, and grew, and grew, and before we knew it, the faint glimmer of color we had first seen had grown into a full-fledged, arching rainbow, brightly showing through the rain.

As we watched the rainbow transform, I couldn’t help but remember God’s promise after the Genesis flood.

“Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.”

Genesis 9:14-15

God displayed a sign of one of His promises on the day celebrating His fulfilled promise of Christ’s resurrection. Isn’t that just like Him to do?

The Easter rainbow we were so blessed to see reminded me of one more thing. That is, the constant ability of God to turn something stormy into something beautiful.

From a thunderstorm to a rainbow…from a crucifixion to a Savior.

And suddenly, with that realization, the weather on Easter seemed very, very fitting indeed.

 

By Faith

Once again, my time at “The Crossing” has served as inspiration for another posting after a lengthy hiatus. Paul Tripp, a well-known author and speaker who gave a conference this weekend at the church, gave today’s sermon based on Hebrews 11:1-7. The topic centered on faith, and how we define ours. Below are some of the bulleted points from my notes, which include Mr. Tripp’s own words and my paraphrased ideas.

 

Faith in a Creator—

·       Just as a painter “owns” his finished artwork, so too does this world and all in it belong to the Creator!

·       “I can think of no more powerful four words than these…‘In the beginning, GOD’.”

·       “There are a 1,000 ways every week that we deny our Creator.” Every time we mistakenly believe that we are in control, we are denying His authority and power as CREATOR.

“By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command….”

Hebrews 11:3

·       “It is HIS world, HE made it, and I am HIS creature.”

·       “I exist for the purpose of another.” This realization should shape every attitude and every relationship. Recognizing our existence for God’s purposes is foremost in importance, but to apply that mindset to our relationships with our spouse and others we love should change everything, and shape everything about us.

 

Faith in His Sovereignty—

·       “Your story is being written by another.”

·       “Think about how little of life we actually control! Think about what it would take to design all of us here, to be in this place, at this time. That is power beyond description.”

·       “Do you live like you think your world is out of control, or like your world is under His divine control?” His careful, deliberate control….

·       “Submit yourself in happy rest to the One who controls it all. Life becomes different when you rest in that reality.”

“From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.”

Acts 17:26-27

·     “He is in the middle of the details, on purpose, so that we can reach out and touch him.” Did I, this week, recognize that He is near?

 

Faith in a Savior—

·       “Your greatest problem is you. My greatest problem is me. Jesus came to rescue me from me!”

·       “I quit being a seeker of grace when I believe that my biggest problem is outside of myself.”

 

My dear friend, Ashley, and I visit on the phone on a regular basis, and our conversations frequently turn to the uncertainly we are both facing as we grow. As I share my concerns for Bobby and I as we try to find employment and begin our lives together, Ashley consistently says things like, “God is in control! He will provide. He always does.” I am so thankful for her friendship and the reminders God sends my way through her (and through my parents, as well) about His faithfulness and provision.

Interesting, that on the day that marks five-months until my wedding day, God sends through this sermon another fitting reminder as I try to wrestle with uncertainties about the future, so often trying to control the outcome on my own.

Where will we live? Ahhh. God has that figured out.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Am I a person of faith? Living by believing in a sovereign Creator? My prayer is that I will continue to recognize and live by the gift of faith, ever growing in the recognition of how wide, deep, far, long, and vast God’s love...and faithfulness...extends.

 

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.”

Psalms 136:1

 

 

A Taste of Springtime

I knew this would happen. After the initial excitement of creating a blog and a few insightful posts, I suspected that my creativity and thoughtful energy would lessen. Such is exactly the case today. I have resorted to discussing, of all things, the weather.

But what beautiful weather it is! As I write this, I am sitting on the porch of my apartment, enjoying the 71-degree temperature…in February. It is a gorgeous day, sunny with not a cloud in the sky. Tempted as I was to break out the flip-flops this morning, I resisted. I refuse to succumb to the temptation, knowing that tomorrow it will be winter again. My philosophy is that wearing spring clothes today will only make putting on a coat tomorrow more painful. Most people on campus apparently do not have such a problem. Shorts, tank tops, and flip-flops were seen in abundance on campus today; spring fever is upon us. (Joggers were out and about today, too. I, however, felt no such temptation to join in on that warm weather activity.)

Being the native Missourian that I am, I know that weather anomalies like today are a fact of life…or, is it (cough) “climate change”? Regardless, I’m confident that we still have several weeks of winter to deal with, and like it or not, the flip-flops will have to go back in the closet for a while longer.

Being able to comfortably sit outside in mid-February is certainly a blessing, though. Sometimes I think God is just teasing us when pleasant weather comes at a time when it usually doesn’t. But, today I think He has given us a lovely surprise in this spurt of warm temperatures…a little reminder that spring is on its way, and motivation to get through the chilly weeks ahead.

(“Be patient, Emily,” He whispers. “Your miserably cold walks across campus are only temporary!”)

I’ve been pondering today what I may be thinking about when spring weather is here to stay…in say, mid-April, or so. My walks across the Mizzou campus will be drawing to an end. I will be mere weeks away from graduating and only a few months from getting married! Oh, the change that this spring will bring, and the beauty of new life and new experiences and new opportunities!

I am reminded that “for everything there is a season” and there is much to savor during this one. Valentine’s Day and a big anniversary, Bobby’s birthday, time with friends, and one last winter at Mizzou.... There are memories to be made and this time should be treasured. So, tomorrow morning I’ll try not to grumble about the return to cooler temperatures…too much.

My dad says that the jonquils at home are beginning to peek up from the ground…another sign that spring is coming. I’ll be ready. 

But, for now, I’ll try to be patient.

 

 

An Open Window

I'm glad that I waited until tonight to write, because had I written any earlier in the day, my attitude would have been less than pleasant. Today, after spending a fair amount of time browsing job postings online (or rather, the lack thereof) for Bobby and myself, I found myself for the first time genuinely annoyed at the current state of the job market and the economy. My annoyance turned to frustration, and my frustration to genuine anger and my thoughts progressed as follows....

"It isn't fair! I graduate in 4 months, and there are so few jobs to be found. Why have I bothered spending 4 years in school when a degree seems to matter so little? Bobby is trying so hard to get started and work hard to support us! Our generation hasn't even had a chance to make things better, and how are we supposed to when we can't even get a job? How do we even get started on our own? It isn't fair."

My attitude after my bedtime prayer has changed somewhat, and I realized that though I am frustrated, my perspective is a bit blurred. My thoughts should instead reflect the countless blessings that I enjoy.

I graduate in 4 months with a degree from an American university...

a reality that is a dream for so many around the world.

In less than 7 months, Bobby and I will, "for better or worse, for richer or poorer", be married, able to share in life's joys and trials together...something to truly be celebrated!

I do not go without, I have more than enough, 

and I have been abundantly provided for. 

I would be foolish to think that such a Mighty God 

would cease to provide for us in the days to come.

This isn't the first road block that Bobby and I have faced in our relationship, wondering what the future will hold, and I'm proud of myself for recognizing that it is certainly not the last. Still, it is a lesson of patience and trust that would be easier to avoid. But, I refuse to be discouraged for too long, because we have too much to celebrate. Tomorrow is another day! 

I think Maria put it best in "The Sound of Music" when she said, "when God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window". We're still waiting to find that window, but oh, won't that fresh air feel good? 

Hearing Him Speak

I hadn't realized how long it has been since Bobby and I have attended church separately, but that was the case this morning. I was happy to be back in Columbia after a month of being away, able to worship at the church that has brought both of us so much joy. What I was unprepared for, though, was the reality of being there without Bobby. I was barely able to sing the first few worship songs, fighting back tears, missing him and feeling very far away. I was struck by the profound blessing that it is for us to share in worship when we are together, and I recognize now how precious our time together at church truly is. 

Missing Bobby, though I was, I thoroughly enjoyed the service and am thankful for God's gentle reminder that He is with me in Columbia, even though Bobby and some special friends and family are not. 

"Teach us, Lord, full obedience, holy reverence, true humility...." 

"Speak, O, Lord, and renew our minds; Help us grasp the heights of your plans for us...."

-Excerpt from 'Speak, O, Lord', written by Keith Getty-