Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Finding Contentment

I’ve always done best when I have a project. My mom shared this observation with me a while ago, and in the past several weeks of having little to do, I have had a lot of time to reflect and recognize that she is absolutely right. (Mom usually is.)

College is over, the wedding planning is through, the apartment is as organized and decorated as it can be (for now), and I am unemployed…and bored. I’m ready for another project! A job…a house…a baby. (Okay, I’m not quite ready for that last one.)

Mom also pointed out that for the past 23 years, I have been “going”. For me to find myself in this period of feeling as though I’m not, well, “going” anywhere is difficult.

I’m struggling to find contentment.

And, I’ve struggled before. I spent a lot of my childhood wanting to be “grown-up”, and during that time I think I may have missed some of the fun parts that come along with growing up. I don’t regret my childhood (or acting like a thirty-something in middle school), but I do recognize that my discontent with being young may not have allowed me to fully enjoy the youthful season I was in.

And, I know from experience that a lot of good can come from being content and finding beauty in the present. Although it was difficult at times to wait so long to marry Bobby, we enjoyed our five-plus years of dating and patiently anticipating the “big day”. We valued that time, and learned a lot about ourselves and each other and what it means to love during those years. Being content with that season made being engaged (and now, being married) that much more special when it finally came along.

I need to remind myself that I am still “going”. I’m going to have a job. I’m going to have a house. I’m going to have a baby. (Someday. Not now. I truly hope this sentence doesn’t get taken out of context.) I’ve been told that this season of my life is likely to be short-lived, and that I will look back on this time wishing for it again. I don’t doubt it. My “job” right now, I’m convinced, is to learn to be content and enjoy this “in-between” season for the blessing that it is. That might be a big enough project in itself.

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