Monday, September 8, 2014

Pregnancy Ponderings

I am well-aware that there will, of course, be many things unique to our experience with baby #2. (Though I can't possibly pretend to know all of the ways in which they will be!) One of the first lessons in understanding that fact, I suppose, is the difference between my documentation of this pregnancy vs. the last. Aside from a few sporadic posts, my documentation via blogging & journaling & photography of my progress has been quite limited. I'm not happy with myself about that, but it is what it is.

There is the factor of time. I have less of it now than I did before Emerson was born. (Actually, I suppose I have precisely the same amount...just less of it to call my own. You get it.)

There is the factor of energy. I just don't have much of it by the time bedtime (blogging-time) comes around.

But, the largest factor is, perhaps, that that novelty of pregnancy has worn off, and this pregnancy has been so very normal and unremarkable, leaving little that seems "documentation worthy". And by "unremarkable", I don't at all intend to imply that it hasn't been incredible. By its very nature, pregnancy is nothing less than remarkable and I'm quite aware and in awe of the miracle occurring within me. But, in terms of normalcy, this pregnancy has been exactly that, with not a great deal of "newsworthiness".

I suppose I have come to expect that, now having had two incredibly healthy pregnancies. I am overwhelmingly grateful for that blessing, and don't want to take it for granted as a given. It is not.

There are certainly things to note about this pregnancy, however...things that set it apart and things I want to remember.
  • I definitely felt sick in the early months...but, not as sick as my first pregnancy. There was plenty of daily nausea, but far less actual vomiting. No complaints here.
  • I had a notable sweet tooth this time around. Whereas I remember craving (and I do use that term loosely) saltier food (pickles for days....) with Emerson, I have definitely preferred and enjoyed sugar during this pregnancy. Yes, I recognize the irony in my having to take a glucose tolerance test this time. 
  • The changes in my body happened far more quickly this time around, specifically in that my belly grew and I "showed" much earlier in the pregnancy. I enjoyed that, really. 
  • I've definitely had low energy, and frankly, less patience with that side effect than last time. It's been discouraging to force myself to slow down when I want to be playing and keeping up with Emerson. 
  • Feeling this baby move is incredible. I looked forward to that milestone, and it has not disappointed as being my favorite part of pregnancy. This little girl is quite active, and I can't recall Emerson's movements well-enough to know how they compare, except that Bobby and I neither one remember the movements being quite so forceful or as lengthy. When this little lady gets going, she really moves and grooves for a long time. I am very able to identify body parts this time around (or, at least I think I am) and can almost always find what is surely a fist or a foot directly underneath my belly button. 
  • My nerves related to labor and delivery this time aren't so much related to the uncertainty of the experience; I largely know to expect as far as that goes having done it once before. (Not pleasant to look forward to, except for knowing the joy that comes as a fruit of my labor!) This time, though, I'm fearful (and largely irrationally so) for the remote possibility that something goes wrong, and scared for Emerson and what that would mean for her. Like I said...irrational...unlikely...but the lingering fear is present. And, I know that that fearfulness isn't from the Lord, so I'm leaning on the spirit of power and courage that He has given. 
  • Without question, the discussion and growth and demonstrations of love on Emerson's part as she increasingly understands what's happening has been the most memorable part of this experience. She understands more now than she did 6 months ago about what having a baby join our family means, and the moments that she rubs my tummy and talks about her baby sister are so very precious. She carries around her bear or her doll, rocking and cuddling them and giving them "milk". All practice.... She knows that there is "a baby in Mommy's tummy", that "she's not ready yet, she's still growing"...and, that "she'll come out your bum". She is ready to be a big sister, and if the affection she shows to this little one now is any indication of what is to come after she is born, then I should just prepare for my heart to burst. 
  • It is becoming increasingly apparent that someone is missing in our family. Whereas it was once difficult to imagine another member joining the three of us, now we are more than ready for her to be here. She is, in so many ways, with us already...a part of so many thoughts and conversations and preparations. It's time for the fourth Phillips to join the family, and we are so anxious to finally meet her.

My due date is one month from today. Let the countdown begin continue!

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