Presently, I am sitting in the lab of my doctor's office, beginning my three-hour glucose tolerance test. I don't particularly want to be here; the circumstances surrounding my need to be have been highly frustrating. I have issues with the policy and the medical “necessity” in this case; it's a long story. But, between fighting a summer cold and a family vacation on the horizon, I just don't have it in me to fight “The Man” this week. So, here I sit, after a week of thinking about this looming visit and my serious preference not to find myself here.
But, today I woke up very much at peace with what was to come this morning. I was up before the sun and before the rest of the family (something that hasn't happened in months!), able to shower on my own and begin the day largely at my own pace. The sun began to shine on what should be a beautiful summer day, and when Emerson did wake, she had a big smile on her face, happy as could be and ready for cuddles. What a perfect way to start the day.
As I drove to the clinic, I was calmed and overwhelmed with the realization that my doctor isn't in control of this situation or this day...the Great Physician is. That reminder makes all the difference.
So, I am adjusting the poor attitude that I've had leading up to this test. I still wish I weren't here. I still want to talk to my doctor about the frustration in “having” to be. But, the truth is, there is simply too much to be thankful for, too many abundant blessings, for me to be anything less than joyful, even in this unpleasant circumstance. I'll be darned if I'm not going to do my best to find the positive here.
I am, after all, only here to make sure that the healthy baby I get to carry stays that way. There are many, many more scary reasons to have blood drawn, and I'm grateful to not be facing those.
At the very least, I get three hours to myself (well, myself and the phlebotomist), and I am hopeful that between the blog post drafting and the photo editing, this will be a productive time. (After nearly passing out following the first blood draw, I had to take a trip to the exam room to lie down with a wet towel. That was a setback, but I think I'm back in business now.) I am missing Emerson this morning, but having some time away is nice, too.
It is what it is. And, Father knows best.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds.