In a few hours, Bobby and Emerson and I are planning to open the envelope marked "Gender" that's been on the mantle since last my ultrasound last Wednesday. In a few hours, we'll find out whether a little boy or a little girl is going to be added to our family. Wow.
Several people have asked how we could stand to wait so long. Part of the delay has been my desire to wait until the time was "right"...until we could make it a "special" occasion somehow. (Not that it isn't, by its very nature. I understand that.) But, our Valentine's Day reveal with Emerson was so memorable, that I wanted to replicate that meaningful experience in some way. Another element of the delay has been my perspective that, since the alternative could be waiting another five months until birth, another few days to wait just doesn't seem that difficult! And, to be honest, as confident as I am that finding out the baby's gender before birth is the way to go for us, it's a bit like Christmas morning. The anticipation is so exciting, and as fun as it is to open the gifts, the surprise is over once you do. Of course, there are many (many) more surprises to come, but the thoughts and the dreams shift once the gender is revealed. (Not to mention that the preparations are going to have to kick into high gear once we know if we should be planning on a boy or girl. As fun as I know that'll be, it's a little overwhelming this time, too. Yikes.)
With that said, once we know whether Baby Phillips is a boy or a girl, the time of relative anonymity is over. It's one to thing to say "we're having a baby". As I remember from last time, it's quite another to think about "having a son" or "having a daughter". I expect to have a new sense of connection to the baby in the months ahead, and I remember that being a really special thing. I'm looking forward to that.
Then again, this is another milestone in our family...another reminder that our time as a family of three is nearing an end. Of course, there's already another life with us, and knowing the gender doesn't change the reality of that...but once we're able to really picture another little girl or a boy entering the scene...it'll be different! And, that's wonderful! But, bittersweet in some ways, too.
Basically, there are just all kinds of emotions going on for me these days.
I don't know what I want this baby to be....
Sometimes, I hope it's a baby boy. Like I imagined during my last pregnancy, having a boy would be fun. It would be a new experience, with new challenges. It would be incredible to see Bobby with a little boy, imagining when he was a child himself. Of course, he'd love to have a son someday, and I want that for him.
Sometimes, I hope it's a baby girl. It would certainly be practical, considering all of Emerson's clothes that have been tucked away. It would be comfortable. I've taken care of a baby girl before; I "know how". And, watching Emerson grow up with a little sister would be a lot of fun. Sisters are a special blessing.
I don't know what I think this baby is....
At first, I thought "boy". Now, I suspect it's a girl.
Bobby has thought it was a girl all along.
Almost everyone else that's offered a prediction is leaning toward "boy".
I do know that God has created this baby to fill a perfect role in our family.
Whether a boy or a girl is on the way, he or she has been created by Him. His hand is behind our family's design, and there's incredible peace in that. Whatever He is orchestrating for our family structure now and in years to come, it is part of His perfect plan. I take great comfort in knowing that He knows what our family should look like...and knows what we need...far better than I do.
May 21, 2014
We know! Last night, we shared the news with my parents and sister. Tonight, we're revealing the gender to Bobby's family, and we'll tell friends and loved ones over the next few days.
God is good! And, we're so, so excited.