Emerson: One Month

August 1, 2012

• Most of your newborn-sized clothes don't fit you anymore, and now you're wearing 0-3 month outfits...which is good, because you were gifted so many adorable summer ensembles, we're trying to get you in all of them at least once before you're too big...or, the weather gets cool. (Which doesn't seem likely...this has been an abnormally hot and dry summer, and cooler fall weather seems very far away.) I got a bit sad packing away some of your first outfits, including the one you wore home from the hospital. You've grown so much already, and it's hard to imagine that you were once so small that you fit in them!

• You weighed 8 lbs. 13 oz. at your 2 week check-up. 

• You outgrew your teeny-tiny, newborn-sized diapers a few days before you turned a month old. Now you're wearing size 1, which at first seemed huge, but now fit just right. (We're not using the cloth diapers just yet...too many other things to figure out first!)

• You're feeding "on demand"...and goodness, you do demand! You like to snack during the day, and often just eat a little here and there. You range from wanting to eat every half hour to every three hours during the day, and seem to "stockpile" in the evening, eating far more frequently before bedtime. 

• You are so strong! You've been consistently holding your neck up since you were just a few days old, and your strength is clearly increasing. We love watching you "exercise" and build those muscles as you lift your head off our chests (which happens to be your favorite place to sleep).

• You took a bottle from Dad once, and it made me oddly sad. You were drinking my milk, but I felt distant from you watching you eat from someone else. Subsequent bottle attempts have been less successful, but we'll keep trying. We think it makes practical sense for you to know how to eat that way, but between you and me, it's okay if it takes you a while longer to learn.

• You will not take a pacifier. You're not interested in it at all, and seem to act as though you know it's a trick and a sorry substitute for the real deal.

• You wake up to nurse an average of twice nightly...sometimes three times, and every so often, just once! You nurse and go to bed (finally, around three weeks old, in your crib!) between 10:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. and then we wait to see what happens during the night. You keep us guessing! 

• Your eyes are really focusing now, and you like to gaze at whatever is in sight...often, the large window in the living room. You are most content where the action is, and far prefer being a part of things/moving around to being alone in your bassinet.

• Sometimes it seems that you're tired of being a baby, and are ready to get up and go.

• For the most part, you seem quite serious, taking in all of your surroundings and thinking about what's going on around you. But, you are content most of the time and seem rather easygoing...a quality that most definitely comes from your daddy. We like to think you're quite secure and that you know you're safe.

We love you more than we can express and have found such joy in getting to know you this month. Every day has been a new adventure and we are full of anticipation for all we'll get to discover about you in the days to come. 

Thank you, precious girl, for making the past month one to remember. 

You are an absolute wonder.

Keeping It Real

These early days with my daughter are precious, and I treasure this time. I'm thankful for the gift of Emerson's health, and for mine. I'm thankful that God gave us a child, when I know that so many others desperately desire a child of their own.


I'm not complaining. 

Being a mom and learning how to parent is...new...exciting...a challenge...a joy...and what I've always wanted. And so, I hesitate to write this, because I certainly don't want to come across as ungrateful. But, in between the lullabies & the pretty pink outfits, the photo-ops & the fun "firsts", there have been some harsh realities to face as I learn to be a mom. I want to document these, too...for posterity's sake, and in order to be truly genuine about this experience.

So, here's to "keeping it real"....


Motherhood is a 24/7 mindset. It's not as though I went into this blindly. I knew this was a 24/7 gig. But, there are some things that are impossible to comprehend until you're living it. Being a mom and being what Emerson needs me to be isn't something I can "turn off". And, I wouldn't want to! But, it's an experience unlike any other. I can't walk away from the situation...even physically leaving the room requires mindfulness about my baby's needs while I'm away. I can't shut down my brain and stop thinking about her. It is a constant, ceaseless responsibility and mindset that began the very second she was born. She's been a part of every one of my thoughts for the last four weeks. There has never been a circumstance in my life that I couldn't mentally or physically distance myself from...until now...when I can do neither! I wouldn't trade this new mindset for anything...but, it's different, it's unlike anything else, and it's overpowering.

Sleep is a precious commodity that should never be taken for granted. I have never been so tired. And, again, though people say that that's part of this whole thing called "new parenthood", it's not something you can entirely prepare yourself for. I was certainly well-rested leading up to Emerson's birth, and I'm confident that being caught up on sleep helped me through the rigors of labor. And, perhaps, in conjunction with the beautiful hormone that is adrenaline, my being well-rested gave me energy in the early days at home with her. But, the adrenaline does wear off, I'm sorry to report, and the weariness that has taken over now could not be held off by any amount of "storing sleep" beforehand. It really is a different kind of tired from any sleepiness I've ever before experienced. Efforts to "catch up" seem futile. It's a vicious lack-of-sleep cycle.

On a similar note, our bed has never felt so wonderful. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder! Emerson rather prefers to sleep in my arms instead of her bassinet or crib. So, I have spent precious little time in our bed...with the clean sheets...and the fluffy down comforter...and the delightfully-soft mattress...over the past few weeks, due to sleeping/attempting to sleep in the La-Z-Boy recliner in the nursery. However, the midday naps I have been able to enjoy have been incredible, and I value sleep now more than I ever have before. (Update! Since I drafted this post a week or so ago, we've thankfully made progress in this area. Emerson seems to have decided that her crib is, in fact, quite comfortable. I'm cautiously optimistic that my nights in the recliner are behind me.)

I left the house a couple of weeks ago, without Emerson. We had put off a Walmart shop as long as possible. (When the toilet paper supply dwindles, there's really no more procrastinating to be done.) And, besides the lack of food and toiletries, it was just...time...for me to get out of the house for a little while. My mom stayed with Emerson, and I got in the car. I was barely out of the neighborhood before the tears surprisingly came. I cried for a minute or two...in part, because I felt a distance from my baby that I haven't felt in over nine months...in part, because it felt overwhelmingly refreshing to be by myself, out in the world, thinking about a grocery list instead of whether her diaper needed to be changed...and, in part, because I felt a tinge of guilt for enjoying some time away. But, the tears were short-lived, the outing was time well-spent, and greeting Emerson when I got home was a joy.

I have never been so aware of my body's capabilities, and frustrated by its limitations. I had a natural and pain medication-free labor and delivery. I knew my body was not only capable, but was created for such a task. I'm proud of myself for trusting God's design and accomplishing what I did with His care, and I would (and plan to) do it again. I'm thankful for a body that is capable of doing amazing things. On the other hand, I am discouraged by my need to let my body rest. I want to have the energy to keep up with Emerson, to respond to her needs with positivity and a cheerful spirit...and be the one to take care of her all the time. But, I'm tired and my body is constantly begging for more sleep. It's hard to be human at times like this.


Being able to find a bit of time to document this journey via blog is evidence that we're all navigating this new "normal", and adjusting to each other. Although pondering and writing these reflections on the "hard parts" of new motherhood has been helpful, there are so many happy moments to document, too. I'm excited to share!

Introducing Emerson Blair

At 7:03 p.m. on Sunday, July 1st, 2012 Bobby and I welcomed our daughter, Emerson Blair, into the world. A 7 pound, 9 ounce bundle of pure joy...our perfect miracle.

There are no words to express the sheer awe and absolute wonder we felt the moment we met her. We were overwhelmed with an immediate and abundant love for Emerson, and profoundly grateful to God for the healthy and natural labor and delivery we experienced, and the gift of our beautiful little girl.

What a blessing it has been to get acquainted these past three weeks and share Emerson with those we love. She is part of the family, and it is, in so many ways, as though we've known her forever.

Welcome, Emerson Blair. You cannot know how deeply loved and treasured you are.

A Royal Anniversary

One year ago today, Royal came home to live with Bobby and me.

When we rescued him from the Humane Society, we had no idea the joy he would bring. We have had such a fun year getting to know him. He's got spunk, our puppy, and he seems to love life.

And, his backyard...and opossums...and chasing shadows (or, flashlight beams)...and waking Bobby up in the morning when he races inside to jump on the bed.

The living room is his playground, and he runs circles around the sectional, begging to be chased while he holds his rope toy or tennis ball. He'll take a running leap and dive into "his" couch in the other room. (It was a compromise. "Stay off the new furniture and you can lay on the old couch." It's a nice understanding we have, and it seems to be working.)

He's learned what it means when he hears "you wanna go on a walk?" or "you wanna go for a ride?", and he loves sticking his head out the cracked window on a drive. (Although, really, a crack is all he gets since he tried to escape months ago. We can't risk that again.)

Royal knows the sound of Bobby's truck, and begins to look out the window in anticipation of his coming home from work every evening. It's precious to watch him go to the door, waiting anxiously with his tail wagging vigorously until his Master walks in the door. He knows that "Dad's home!" means happy times. (I can relate.)

He's grown-up considerably in recent months. (We haven't had incidences like those documented here, here, here, and here in a while. Or, perhaps we've just grown accustomed to his antics. It's possible.) He's worked through some of his jumping-on-people tendencies, and is learning the difference between "friend" (i.e. my parents) and "foe" (i.e. the UPS man, or other presumably harmless strangers). He seems to be maturing into the role of "family protector" and we love that, because...

...in a couple of days? weeks? who really knows?, Royal is going to become a big brother. We think he's ready, and I'm so looking forward to seeing how he reacts to a baby in the house. He'll always be our furry, four-legged firstborn, and I'm so thankful for the all of the "parenting" lessons he's taught us in this pre-human baby year we've spent together.

 He's a good boy. He's part of the family. He's home.

Pre-BaByQue

Invitation by cocodot.

I can understand why hosting a large gathering two weeks before a new baby joins the family may sound unappealing to most. But, as much as Bobby and I enjoy entertaining, we decided to do exactly that! And, in our opinion, it turned out to be a great idea. Everyone seemed to have a good time!

I should mention that there was an added, largely-unforeseen bonus to the gathering. I was able to capitalize on the nesting instinct to get the house in great shape for the party, and everyone knows that cleaning house is more "fun" when company's coming. 

Fun social event plus really-clean-house two weeks before my due date...win, win! 

And, if we can maintain the house in its current condition (as is the goal!), then we'll get to bring baby home to an organized, clutter-free space...which will make for one very happy new mama.

It was such fun for us to spend time with some of the people who have helped make the past nine months such a special time, and who will undoubtedly make the first days of our little girl's life that much sweeter by being a part of them.

37 Weeks

As of yesterday, my pregnancy is officially considered "full-term", which means that baby could conceivably come into the world safely anytime.

There were days when this point seemed so very far away. But, like time has a habit of doing, it does go by, and here we are!

I'm not miserably uncomfortable, by any means. I'm not hoping she makes her debut anytime soon. In fact, honestly, I know I'm going to miss being pregnant, and I'm not in any rush for it to be over.

But, I am growing increasingly anxious to finally meet this little one, to call her by name, and to introduce her to all of my favorite people.

I'm ready.

Her nursery is complete. Her clothes are washed. My bags are packed.

And now, we wait.

Miraculous

One of my favorite habits throughout this pregnancy has been checking on baby's weekly growth. Thanks to Pampers' "Hello, Baby" iPhone application, I've been able to get a glimpse of what she might look like each week as she develops.

The changes blow me away. What began on a cellular level is now a nearly fully-developed human, ready for life outside the womb. Wow, wow, wow.

It is a fascinating progression, and nothing short of miraculous. Truly, it's mind-boggling to think about all of the intricacies of the development process that God designed.

Showering "little firecracker"

A couple of weekends ago, my sister and my best friend co-hosted a beautiful baby shower for "little firecracker"! The day was absolutely lovely, and I was completely blown-away by the amount of thoughtful details they included. 

(Rachel would tell you that event-planning is not her forte; I'd beg to differ.)

From Rachel's handmade invitations, to Morgan's hand-painted artwork...

from the paper "firework" decor, to serving my favorite cake...

from the entertaining and meaningful activities, to the wonderful variety of gifts for baby and Bobby and me...

I felt entirely loved.

It was a labor of love for my sister to put together such a special day for me, and it meant so much that she and Morgan teamed-up to make it happen. I appreciate each of them more than they know.

I am incredibly thankful to be surrounded by so many loving women, and to celebrate with so many of them at the shower was a gift in itself. 

My daughter is going to be one blessed girl...her mother certainly is!

Things I Love About My Marriage

Recently I've been considering specific attributes of my marriage that I think really help to make it "work". There are certainly more reasons than these why we "click" the way we do, but these few specific thoughts come to mind time and time again. These qualities are some I've recognized before, and they are qualities that I hope I can always say are true of us.

1. We don't take life too seriously. This is far more a result of Bobby's outlook on life than mine, but I have come a long way, and I'm quite proud of my changed outlook over the past...well, how long have I known Bobby?...8 years. We keep things in perspective, and get a chance to practice doing so frequently. It's a healthier way to live, in general, and benefits our marriage, too.

2. We don't stay mad for very long, and we don't hold grudges. When we're frustrated, we let each other know it. Then, we discuss it. Or, we don't. (Which, I know, isn't necessarily the healthiest thing to do in the long-run, but sometimes, it's the best choice.) Regardless, we vent, we talk, we move on. I cannot remember a single occasion in our (albeit, relatively short) married history where a difference of opinion led to an extended argument, or long-term hurt feelings. We get mad, and get over it. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

3. We're a team, and we don't keep score. When the dog or the car or the yard (or one of us) needs attention, we take care of it (and each other). Sometimes I pick up the slack, and sometimes Bobby does. We take turns with chores, and we try not to keep a record of who did what, when. Eventually, it all evens out. It's a partnership, and we both know that we each have the best interests of the other in mind.

I know our relationship and interactions will change once "baby makes three". Knowing exactly how much, though, or in what ways, is impossible to predict. My prayer is that these elements of our relationship, among others, will remain our foundation as we prepare to navigate this new, wonderful, difficult, and emotional journey called "parenthood".

Third Trimester Things

Time is flying by. If I stop to think about it, I remember that, really, this happens every spring. The agenda fills up, weekends feel shorter than usual, and the weeks pass in a blur. Of course, this year I'm paying more attention to the calendar, anyway, and March and April flew. There was a time when July felt very far away. ... Now is not that time. I'm realizing, too, that our baby could quite realistically be born in June, although I'm really pulling (or, more appropriately, pushing) for a July birth day.

Lamaze classes are an interesting thing. I am enjoying our Wednesday night dates! Bobby and I inevitably have dinner out, and it's time together, spent focused on little else but baby-prep. A girl could do worse! But, the classes themselves are much too long, in our opinion. If it weren't for the overly-frequent breaks, chit-chat, and ice-breaker activities, I'm quite confident we could condense each of these 8 sessions from 2.5 hours to 90 minutes, at most. But, they serve a purpose, I'm sure. More than being particularly full of new information, they are confirming what we already know and we are enjoying thinking about the time when we'll welcome our daughter into the world.

In class two weeks ago, we were informed about labor positions and natural pain management. The class ended with the strong encouragement that we try out the various tools and techniques stationed around the room: birthing ball, massage, hip movement, etc. We gave them all a try, in the midst of fifteen or so other couples. There's a reason women labor in private.... It was awkward.

Last week, though, was our tour of the labor and delivery floor at the hospital, and I must say, being in that environment made me very excited for our stay. I can picture us there now, and having that clear image in my mind of what our surroundings will be when she's born has heightened my anticipation of the big day.

I like being pregnant. A friend asked me several weeks ago whether or not I like being pregnant. Had this question been asked last fall, in the middle of my morning sickness and early pregnancy woes, my answer would have undoubtedly been different. (That seems fair.) But, first trimester queasiness and general discomforts aside, yes, I am still really, really enjoying this. As the doctor confirms at seemingly every appointment, I feel so very normal, and my body has seemed to do exactly what it was created to do throughout this process.

I like the way my body looks.
I like knowing there's a new life growing in my healthy body.
I like the bond that's intensifying between Bobby and I.
I like the attention. (I'd be lying if I didn't admit to that.)
I like the busyness and anticipation surrounding her upcoming arrival.
I like the refreshed spiritual awareness.
I like feeling fulfilled.

Yes, I'm happy to say, pregnancy seems to suit me. (Which is good, because I pray this isn't the last time I do this.)

Forcing myself to slow down is my biggest challenge these days. I like being busy, and it's becoming very easy for me to over-do it.  It's discouraging when grocery shopping feels like a major workout.... I want to garden alongside Bobby, but can't for long without becoming overheated.... Bending over (& getting up & bending over & getting up...) to play with Royal is exasperating.... Seemingly minor physical exertion is wearing me out, and although I know that my body is working hard constantly, that's difficult for me to wrap my head around when I'm feeling lazy for resting on the couch. And, it's hard for me to sit and watch activity and be left out. Lately, though, I've otherwise felt wonderful...unless I've over-done it, and then I've really no one to blame but myself.


Watching my tummy move and feel her inside of me is my favorite thing. I don't know how to describe it, but I hope I never forget this sensation. It is unlike anything else I've ever experienced, and it's beautiful. Her movements have become more and more frequent, and now her entire body rolls and shifts. The kicks and jabs are unmistakeable to Bobby and other onlookers or feelers, and I love being able to share this activity of hers with them. It's becoming much easier to picture this little girl not as a fish swimming around in my tummy, or fluttering like a butterfly, but as a nearly-newborn child, trying to find a comfortable spot in ever-tightening quarters. She's getting ready for her debut...and, in many ways, it feels like I already know her.