It Isn't Just Me

I had a book as a child that I remember enjoying largely because of its title. It's Just Me, Emily had my name! In print! Repeatedly! (What little girl wouldn't consider a book like that a classic?!)

As I was considering potential blog titles for this "facelift", that childhood favorite of mine came to mind. But to say "It's Just Me", just won't do. 

Because at this season of my life, as I navigate being "Mrs.", becoming "Mommy", and balancing myself...I've learned that it isn't just me. 

It's me & Bobby...

my husband since August 15th, 2009 and the only man who has ever held my heart... 

...& our daughter, Emerson...

a perfect miracle born July 1st, 2012, who has brought us indescribable joy every day since....

...& our dog, Royal...

who keeps life interesting...

...& our home, our families, our friends, & our God. 

I am blessed beyond measure to be surrounded with such love, and I thank the Lord that it isn't just me. 

(It never really was.)

A Snow Day

The life of a stay-at-home mom is relatively flexible, unstructured in the sense that there are no bosses to report to or business deadlines to meet. (While one might be inclined to insert the adjective "relaxed" in this job description, that would be oh, so very misguided and unfortunate.) 

I do have the benefit of lingering over my morning coffee, perusing a magazine while my baby explores toys next to me, and should she decide to nap, I have the chance to catch a few afternoon zzz's myself. (To be clear, my "lingering" is done while Emerson and I play, my "perusing" is done only by glancing at a page here & a page there, and my afternoon snoozes are a rarity...because so are Emerson's naps.) Of course, my "office hours" are all twenty-four each day, and it is very much "work" in every sense of the word. 

(I shall avoid a stay-at-home vs. working mother diatribe here as those are hardly productive. The roles are very different, to be sure, and I doubt quite highly that--without having experienced both--a mother in one position could truly understand the trials associated with a mom in the other.)

Although my wardrobe of sweatpants may lead you to believe otherwise, I do try very diligently to make each day a productive one, for Emerson's benefit and for the maintenance of our household. There are obvious chores to do, of course, and other projects I find (or create) for myself to do, as well. The point is...my days are full...often busy & frequently productive. (To be clear again, a great many of my days are none of those things...and the lack of activity and lack of adult company brings about its own mental challenges.)

As I write this, icy sleet is hitting the windows and I'm looking at the backyard, with its ice-covered grass blades and icicles hanging from the rooftop. Today is shaping up to be a perfectly wintery day, and I have the blessing of being cozy inside with Emerson.*

And today, I'm giving myself permission to relax. To be productive if I want to be, but not because I feel like I need to get anything done other than cuddling with my daughter. I'm going to give myself the  "snow day" that many of my friends are enjoying, and I'm going to do my best to guiltlessly enjoy the slow-pace and the quiet. Emerson and I are going to do little more than snuggle, play, and admire the beauty of the winter wonderland from the warmth of our living room.

Because stay-at-home mommies need a snow day every now and then, too. 

*I have this blessing because of a husband who woke up this morning and went to the office with not a hint of complaint about his task. I know he would've enjoyed a snow day, too, and I'm so very grateful for his willingness to serve our family, even on days such as these. What a good man.

Emerson: Seven Months

February 1, 2013

• You are wearing a few 6 month outfits, lots of 6-9 month onesies, and a few 9 month sleepers. For some reason, the transition to wearing 9 month outfits entirely is tricky for Mommy. You are growing up so very fast....
• Playing with toys is a big part of your daily routine, and it has been so fun to watch you discover your favorites. We've set out your activity mat on the couch and ottoman, and you have a nice play space in the middle of the family action. You enjoy sucking on your stuffed caterpillar, chewing on "Sophie", and catching glimpses of yourself in the mirror. You've figured out how to make the electronic frog play the "Froggy Went A'Courtin'" jingle by slapping the button three times. You've chewed the corners of your "Animals" board book, and you love looking through the pages to find the "pupp-y!" You seem to love books, and we love that. People seem to be your favorite "toy", though. 
• You are still nursing several times a day, although you're getting distracted far more easily. You reach around with your free hand and grab onto mine, or onto the side of my tummy. It's difficult to imagine that we ever struggled with finding our rhythm...you're an expert now, and feeding you feels so natural. 
• You are discovering solid food, though! So far, your repertoire includes rice cereal, sweet potatoes, avocado, applesauce, peas, yellow squash, green beans & bananas. You've yet to really get excited about any food on a regular basis. 
• Royal has figured out the beauty of your eating solids, and he sneaks under the table to his post next to your highchair.  When you see him nearby, you sneakily stretch your arm down so he can lick your fingers, although we try our best to minimize this behavior. You've discovered how to throw chunks of banana onto the floor specifically for Royal's benefit, and although it's ever-so-kind of you to share your favorite snack, we've had to tell you "no" a few times. You two seem to have an agreement, and are making quite the pair!
• You are learning to put yourself to sleep, or, rather, soothe yourself back to sleep after you wake up. You consistently wake up at or very near 10:30 p.m. and often need my hand on your back to help you fall back to sleep. Then, your internal clock wakes you around 2:30 a.m., but you've learned to cry for a bit and sleep once again. Around 5:30 a.m., you're ready to nurse and often go back to sleep for a short while. At 7:00 a.m., you usually wake up with a smile, happy to sit on the bed while Mommy and Daddy finish getting ready for the day, entertained by Royal's tail, purely delighted by the excitement of a new day!
• You are consistently napping for an hour or so around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m., on the couch with Mommy. (Laying in the crib for daytime naps is still not something you tolerate.) Then, in the afternoon, you're ready for another hourlong snooze around 1:00 p.m., and then take a "power nap" around 4:30 p.m. before Daddy comes home.
• Your vocal skills are coming on strong! You've mastered "buh, buh", "ffff", "vvv", and "puh, puh". The funny thing about it is that once you discover a new sound, you seem to practice it all day...and then after 24 hours, we don't hear it anymore! You're storing it up, I suspect, until you're ready for complete sentences. 

• A few months ago, Grandpa brought the bird feeder at the kitchen window to your attention ("Come back, chickadee, come back!"), and it has become more and more appealing to you. When we're in the kitchen, we look for birds (often, Mama and Papa Cardinal) eating their breakfast or lunch, and you know just where to look to see them. 

• The bathroom counter was getting too wet to continue your baths in that fashion, so we've moved you to the big tub. You still sit in the infant tub, however, just until you're not wobbily sitting up anymore. It seems to work really well. Splashes are minimized, clean-up is a breeze...and Daddy and I get to soak our feet in the warm water every night while you bathe. It's a great set-up. ("Frankenstorm!")
• Making you laugh is one of our favorite things. You often squeal when we "nibble" your tummy, blow raspberries ("I'mmmm...gonnnaaa...get you!"), or pretend to smell your feet ("puht, puht...stinky, stinky!"). Your giggles are so beautiful; you seem to like the sound of it, too. I hope you always love to laugh.
• When you're hungry or sleepy, you often grab my neck with your fingernails...and I have a network of scratches to prove it. Also, you bite...and I'll leave it at that.
• I don't mind the scratches (the biting I could do without), because you're learning to communicate your needs...and you've also started giving "kisses" by sucking on my chin after I kiss your cheek. Those kisses make my day.
• You enjoy playing peekaboo and have started initiating the game by putting a blanket or the nearest burp cloth over your head. ("Where's Emerson?"..."There she is!")
• You're an expert at sitting up, though you are so ready to be mobile. You've begun falling forward intentionally and are moving your leg up under you a bit when you're on your tummy. You often rotate full-circle on the floor...it won't be long now!

Your personality is blossoming, little one. 

You become more entertaining by the day, and as you interact with us more & more, 

I see how much your spirit shines. 

What a gift God has given us through you! 

I love you, Emerson.

Feelin' The Love

Last Valentine's Day, Bobby and I were anxiously waiting to open the envelope on the mantel and learn the gender of our baby on the way. That night, when we learned we were having a daughter, I knew our world would be full of "sugar and spice" and everything pink, and I was overjoyed.

Presents for Emerson on the mantel this year!

What I didn't (couldn't!) know, however, was the unique & incredible love we'd feel for our sweet Emerson Blair. A love unlike any other than I'd known before. A love that began the moment I met her, and a love that's grown ever since.

Bobby and I are celebrating our tenth Valentine's Day today. This year, I am aware of my loving him differently...better...than before. I have the benefit & joy now of seeing him as a father, of recognizing his love for our little girl, and for appreciating how he loves both of us so well.

Basically, this year, I'm feelin' the love!

Love as a parent...feeling a love that just is, and increases every day.

Love as a wife...feeling loved, choosing and nurturing love for my husband, and constantly learning what that means as we grow in our new roles as "Mom and Dad".

Love as a child of God...feeling and understanding the depth of a Father's love, and recognizing how incomparable His great, great love truly is.

My heart is full!

Emerson: Six Months

January 1, 2013

• At your 6 months (+9 days) check-up, you weighed 18 lbs, 8 ounces, and were 26.5 inches long. You are in the 90th percentile for weight and height, and are growing right on track! You started crying as soon as the doctor began his exam, well-aware it was someone unfamiliar. (You smart girl, you.) Three more shots this time, but you calmed more quickly than ever afterwards. You are so brave, though it doesn't get any easier to watch you hurt.
• You are wearing primarily 6 month and 6-9 month clothes. You aren't far away at all from wearing the 9 month size entirely...though that sounds so very "big".
• You and Mommy shared a nasty cold a week or so before Christmas, which was unpleasant for everyone. Daddy did a great job taking care of us, and you were such a trooper. You had a very stuffy nose and needed to sleep on Mommy's chest for a couple of nights, but otherwise you just wanted to play and didn't act terribly miserable. It was hard to see you fighting that first bug, though...and I hope we don't have to go through that again for a long while.
• Speaking of your health, you've had a rash for the last month or so, which was disconcerting at first, but the doctor reassured us that it's just eczema. It doesn't seem to bother you, but the red patches of dry skin are all over your tummy. Poor babe.
• You've had your first fall. Mommy wasn't expecting you to move the way that you did, and off the couch you tumbled. It scared you, and was heartbreaking for me, but you were fine. Lesson learned. There will be many more falls ahead, I'm afraid, but that first one was a moment I'll never forget.
• You had your first taste of solid food on New Year's Day...your half-birthday! We started with rice cereal mixed with breastmilk, and you seemed so proud to be sitting in your highchair (a Christmas gift from your great-grandparents) and eating like the big people. You grabbed the spoon right away and helped to feed yourself. It was a hit...and there's so much more to come!
• A couple of days before you turned six months old, you woke up in the morning and I noticed a change. You just seemed like you'd grown-up somehow, and that day you were all smiles, and so happy. Truly, it was as if you'd suddenly figured some things out...that life made a bit more sense...and you could just enjoy living a bit more. It's difficult to explain, but to me, there was a distinct change in your disposition and contentedness that has been fascinating to see.
• You are definitely recognizing names. Hearing "Royal" brings a smile, and you turn your head to look for him. You know "Daddy", and respond to "where's Daddy?" "Feet" is another favorite, and you're beginning to recognize "Grandma" and "Grandpa", too. 
• You love to talk, and are frequently practicing "puhh", "fff", and "mmm".
• You are sitting up very well these days, with no support. You become a little stronger each day, and now you're content sitting up for long stretches of time on your own. In fact, you prefer it, and don't tolerate being on your tummy for long anymore. You still haven't made much progress toward crawling, but you'll frequently lean forward too far from the sitting position, fall over, and end up in a crawling position. It's not too far away, I'd imagine!

We've known you for half of a year, sweet Emerson, 

and these past six months have been the best of my life.

Our world is more beautiful because you're in it!

It's Friday!

There is a recurring discussion (slash difference of opinion) taking place in the Phillips household. That is, our expectations for and interpretation of what our weekends should look like.

Bobby would, generally-speaking, prefer sleeping-in, watching college football (well, not so much anymore, out-of-season as the sport is now, but you get the idea), & doing a few household chores...but largely just relaxing after a week at the office.

That's fair. I get it. The man works hard for the money and I completely understand his desire to rest on his days off-work. I, however, look forward to the weekends and the extra set of hands that will be around to help with Emerson throughout the day.

Bobby loves spending time with Emerson, and I love him for being such a wonderful daddy. As such, he is always willing to share in the work. But, let's be honest, taking care of our little girl doesn't exactly spell "relaxing day". Besides, there are some things that only Mommy can do right now.

Motherhood is amazing, but it is a 24/7 gig. Babies know not the meaning of weekends, and my Saturdays usually look a lot like my Everyotherdays. I'm not complaining. It is what it is: hard work!

So, we do our best to compromise, and truly, it's very much a learning process for both of us as we discover how to make our weekends mutually-enjoyable in our new roles as parents.

Bobby sent this e-card to me this morning. It is so spot-on...and I think Bobby "gets it", which means more than I can explain.

source

I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a mom!

Happy Friday, all.

New Every Morning

The rare nights when Emerson struggles to go to sleep are usually the nights when I'm the most ready to. And, although I try so very hard to display patience and affection, my heart is often grumbling. I know she can't help it when her teeth are causing pain and not allowing her to rest, and she doesn't intentionally wake up at 4:00 a.m. because she's thinking "hmm, how can I bother Mommy?" Still, there are times when my lack of sleep causes me to feel a bit of resentment and frustration. I'm not proud of it, but it's true.

The incredible part is, though, that no matter how tired I am in the morning, when I see her smiling, fresh face, I forget all about the long night behind us. I cannot be frustrated with that precious, innocent little girl! 

The other morning I watched her as she awoke, and I was reminded of the following truth:

 ²² It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

²³ They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV)

I won't ever be able to fully comprehend God's love for me. Through motherhood, though, I am finding constant illustrations which deepen my awareness of my Father's unconditional, compassionate love...new every morning.

Farewell, 2012

Admittedly, I'm a bit sad to bid farewell to 2012 tonight. The end of the 2009 brought the same kind of emotion, and in looking back at my post from New Year's Eve that year, I realized how very similar my sentiment was then.

It’s not that I don’t want the New Year to arrive; 

I just don’t want to say goodbye to what has been a beautiful, exciting, life-changing year. 

Exactly. Well-said, self.

The past year has been a special one for Bobby and me, primarily focused on preparing for, welcoming, and getting to know our little girl.  (Truth be told, though, it takes effort to think back to much of the year before Emerson's birth day...what did we do with ourselves before July 1st?!) It's difficult to move on from the past year, as it has been such a wonderful season of our life. Time marches on, though, and the new year is very much upon us. 

As I write this post, I'm watching Emerson play with toys on the floor of her nursery. She's looking up at me with a smile and lots of giggles as if to say "this is just getting good, isn't it Mom?" What a sweet reminder. One that I needed. Seeing that smile...that precious face that shines with the promise of the future...has filled my eyes with tears. How could I possibly doubt that the coming days with her will be any less full of wonder than the past months have been? Precious days are ahead. (Including, in the immediate future, Emerson's first taste of solid food...tomorrow she'll be six months old!)

This little girl is teaching me so many things, including a mindset that I think would serve me well to adopt in the coming year. To laugh because it feels good, to explore, to be curious, to discover, to find joy in life's simple pleasures.

When I think of 2012, I will recall it as a the year when my life changed forever. As the year when I fell into a new kind of love. It was a year unlike any other, and I'm celebrating all the joy that it held.

But, I'm certain that 2013 will be full of new and exciting experiences, too...our little world, no doubt, still revolving around the happenings of the littlest Phillips. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here's to 2013...to health, happiness, & solid food! 

Emerson: Five Months

December 1, 2012

• You are wearing 6-9 month clothes. The 6 month clothes are getting a bit short, but I'm trying to squeeze the last bit of wear out of them before completely switching over. The 9 month clothes seem so big, and it's hard to believe how quickly you're growing!
• You are enjoying your voice these days, and discovering all it can do. Your pitch has become a bit higher, and sometimes you use what Daddy refers to as your "pterodactyl voice". You certainly know how to get our attention with your shrieks, and you get a kick out of doing so. You seem happy to be learning how to communicate with us...and with Royal.
• You know when it's bath time, and as soon as your clothes start coming off, you are all smiles. Your face lights up when I say "are you ready for your bath?" and you usually answer with a precious coo and lots of laughter. 
• As soon as you get in the bath these days, though, you're all business! You grab the washcloth and immediately begin to suck all the water out. It's as if you have a job to do, and you get very serious. You are content to be tended to, with your leg sprawled over the side. While you're getting washed, you try your best to get the cup from Daddy while he pours water on you. Rubber Ducky has become a friend, too, and you like to chew on him before it's time to dry off.
• You have two teeth! The first one seemed to give you some trouble, and there were a couple of days when your gums were obviously bothering you, but for the most part, they weren't too much of a problem. (We noticed a little extra drooling, lots of chewing on your hands, and restlessness when you tried to go to sleep at night.) Within a week, your second bottom tooth emerged! We were surprised to see them so soon! You continue to amaze us!
• Occasionally, you'll wake up in the middle of the night (we suspect due to teething pains), but usually you sleep from around 8:00 p.m. until 7:00 a.m. And, we thank you for that!
• Still no naps in your crib, but your sleep pattern during the day is becoming even more defined. You consistently sleep for an hour or so after you eat breakfast, and then you're ready for an afternoon nap around 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. 

• You've started rubbing your eyes and tugging on your hair when you're getting tired. It's precious, and we appreciate the obvious clues to your need for sleep!
• You spend lots of time in your "Jenny Jump-Up" and have gotten it figured out over the course of the last month. You know how to spin around and turn toward where the action is, and when Royal heads in your direction, your face gets all scrunched because you know a "kiss" might be coming. You enjoy being at his level, though! 
• We feel guilty eating in front of you now. You are so interested in our food, and reach for my plate regularly. We're trying to wait until you turn six months old to introduce solids...we'll see if that happens. Nursing has become less frequent, though you still have a strong appetite!
• You drank water from Mommy's cup a couple of times, and seemed like such a big girl when you did so. You tried to hold the glass yourself, and seemed so proud to be able to try something the big people do. 
• You like having toys around you, and enjoy having something to play with, watch, or chew on. Your activity level is definitely increasing.
• You're still playing with your feet and have been trying to get them into your mouth. They're fun toys that are always there! 
• You've mastered rolling onto your side, and have rolled from your tummy to your back a couple of times, though it still seems accidental. You can usually see or grab what you're interested in by arching your back and stretching, and it doesn't seem that you're particularly motivated to roll over. You're just so content!
• You have begun to wriggle around on the changing table much more, which makes changing your diaper more exciting. You were squirming around on the bathroom counter at Daddy's office one day, and reached up and squirted some soap out of the soap dispenser. It's a joy to see you so active and curious!
• Grocery shopping and errand-running has become so much easier! You are usually happy to be in the car and seeing the sights at the store, and it's great having you out-and-about with me.
• Your hair seems to be lightening by the day, and the hair at your neck has really grown. It's just beautiful.

Emerson, you are so much fun to be with and get to know. 

I want to remember everything about you, just as you are these days....

I hope you are always as content, as inquisitive, and as full of wonder as you are right now.

You're teaching Mommy so much.

I love you, little girl.

Christmastime Around Here

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is decorating the Christmas tree.

More specifically, I love the excitement of opening and looking through the fresh-from-storage boxes. Though the contents remain relatively unchanged year after year, there's something magical about seeing what's inside & revealing the treasures that are only in sight approximately 1/12th of the year.

It's a tradition that is (as I suppose most traditions are) comforting in its constancy. Year after year, the process is the same & the reflection similar as I reminisce on our collection of ornaments.

Themed Christmas trees are beautiful, and they have their place. I enjoy seeing them at Silver Dollar City, at the mall, or in a designer magazine. In our home, though, I far prefer what is essentially the 'story of our life' displayed through each ornament...a visible reminder of the many milestones and memories we have to reflect on and enjoy.

"Our First Christmas-2009"

"Our New Home"

the souvenirs from our honeymoon in St. Lucia and our vacation to Mexico

the Mizzou Tiger from my years in Columbia

the annual glass-blown balls from Bobby's office

...and the one we'll be adding this year, celebrating Emerson's birth. 

Each ornament makes me smile and reminds me of the beauty of this life we're building. What began as a small collection of ornaments is growing with each passing year of memories made.

As much as I value the constancy of our tree and the tradition of decorating for the season, I'm excited for the changes in years ahead, too. For the ornaments we'll add signifying milestones in our family, and for the handmade decor that Emerson will contribute. For the years when the ornaments will be a few feet higher to remain out of reach, and for the years when they will all be gathered at the bottom of the tree, because that's as high as little hands could reach to place them.

Regardless, I know the tree will tell our family's story.

***************************************************

Bobby usually places the ornaments on the tree itself. (I find it too stressful. Leave it to me to find an element of Christmas decorating to be stressful.) I'm happy to assist with this task, aiding by putting the hangers on the ornaments beforehand, and then handing each one off to him.

I was, admittedly, less helpful this year than usual. (To his credit, Bobby did an excellent job without me.) Emerson doesn't yet quite appreciate the sentimentality of the occasion, and wasn't content to sit still while I reminisced over each memento. Thus, she and I danced around the living room to what I consider the soundtrack of my childhood Christmases. Though I'm certain my family listened to many tapes and CD's as I grew up, there is one album that I associate with preparing for the holiday. And so, it plays in our home each year as we decorate the tree.

Emerson grew restless as we decorated and danced, and after a while, she and I sat down in the living room rocking chair. Having been displaced by the tree, the chair was in a new corner, but allowed for a perfect view of the tree-decorating in progress. While Emerson nursed, I watched Bobby as he mindfully placed each ornament, according to significance, in a special spot on the tree.

As he did that, my mind wandered to next Christmas, picturing sweet Emerson helping (or, "helping") her daddy decorate the tree. Or, the Christmases after that, when perhaps Emerson will dance around the living room as little brothers or sisters watch the scene with wonder....

I blinked away tears as I imagined the future with great anticipation.

And then, as the Christmas music playlist ended, the next songs in our iTunes library began...instrumental, lullaby hymns. Bobby continued his work to the gentle melody of "Holy, Holy, Holy"...peaceful and worshipful music that so appropriately suited the occasion and this season of life with our little girl. Perfect for Emerson as she drifted to sleep in my arms...& a perfect illustration for Mommy of just how unique and precious this Christmas is.